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Excerpt for Developing Me by , available in its entirety at Smashwords



O M H P H I L E M A A K E


DEVELOPING METM



LOVE AKINKUNLE





**I AM DOING BETTER THAN GOOD, BETTER THAN MOST AND SOMETIMES BETTER THAN THAT*



Developing me

________________________________________



I am doing better than good, Better than most, and sometimes Better than that

By

Omphile Maake



Love Akinkunle




72 Ben Harris,

Westernburg,

Polokwane 0699

omphilekgathemaake@gmail.com

+86 130 7359 2051.


All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, stored, or transmitted in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage and retrieval systems— without the prior written permission of Buttercup Goodies pty (ltd) except where permitted by law.


The information contained in this book is intended to be educational and not for diagnosis, prescription, or treatment of any health disorder whatsoever. This information should not replace consultation with a competent healthcare professional- The content of the book is intended to be used as an adjunct to a rational and responsible healthcare program prescribed by a healthcare practitioner. The author and publisher are in no way liable for any misuse of the material.


First edition June 2018


Company registration (2016 / 237012 / 07)

Company name Buttercup Goodies

Manufactured in the Republic of China.


For more information about special discounts for bulk purchases,

Please contact Omphile Maake

omphilekganthemaake@gmail.com

: +86 130 7359 2051









Smile at the wind,

Speak to the sun

Make a wish before a star.

Hug the moon,

Lay on the grass,

Smell and find happiness in the flowers,

Find truth in the clouds.

Find comfort in the soul next to you

Rejoice to the music

And find love in every heart that comes by.

Forgive the storm,

Stay firm as a tree,

Have faith in the seeds,

Have courage like the ants,

Develop strength as much as the earth,

Sing with the birds,

Laugh with the hyenas,

And roar with the lions.”














DEDICATIONS


I dedicate this book to you, the reader.












ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To my co-author; without you this book would not be finished. You encouraged me; you have helped me create an amazing book filled with truth and guidance for those who need it, including myself. Your advice and courageous words will forever stay in my heart.

My entire support system, my editor/bestfriend and everyone that helped me put this book together, your honesty and criticism is what makes this book one that I believe will help people all around the world.

Thank you all, I love you all.







WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE BOOK


In developing me I want people to expect a breakthrough, a reality that brings good change in one’s life. I have lived this book and its principles, as an author I wanted our souls to meet. It took time, but I had to develop myself. Then I took to writing my experiences because I felt that perhaps my experiences could help someone else to become a greater version of themselves. From this book I hope that people are able to understand themselves better, to be able to accept the things they can’t change and change what they can. May the reader learn to let go of hurt, make room for happiness, and learn to love, to understand others and to simply relax. There is no pressure. Regardless of what this life does to you, you have to remember that you are amazing and you are a blessing to yourself and to those around you.


HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL BY THE END OF IT

After reading this book you should have a sense of relief. You should be able to know yourself better and also understand why some things where so difficult to let go or even change. You should be able to carry on and move on with life and allow yourself to start afresh and blossom.




CHAPTER 1

WHO AM I?


CHAPTER 2

LETTING GO OF THE OLD


CHAPTER 3

A REALITY CHECK


CHAPTER 4

CHEERS TO NEW BEGINNINGS


CHAPTER 5

I AM A WINNER


CHAPTER 6

LOVE


CHAPTER 7

CHECK LIST


CHAPTER 8

QUOTES








INTRODUCTION


Do you ever wake up in the morning and just feel like you want to go back to bed? Then you do go back to bed. You wake up again and that very same feeling comes back. All of a sudden you wake up and its 8pm in the evening. To avoid beating yourself up, you decide, oh well I might as well sleep again because you feel guilty that you had an unproductive day. Well yeah, I have felt like that once or twice or maybe most of my young adult life. Doctors call it depression, but well I just call it lack of purpose. And how we find our purpose is through development, therefore DEVELOPING ME.

What is “developing me”? Developing me is a guidance/motivational book written to help individuals get in touch with their inner self and a deeper understanding of the self. Developing me is meant to help individuals get in touch with the inner to be able to improve the outer as well as get a better understanding on why certain situations happen and may feel like they are out of our control. Why we need to let go of the clutter in our lives to be able to feel a weight lifted off, so that we are able to make room for better opportunities. Developing me is a way to get individuals into realty that they may have been afraid of facing and even a way to remove fears. Through this book you will understand yourself, you will know your truth, all fears will vanish and your confidence levels will be boosted. Developing me allows you to ask the kinds of questions that may have been difficult to even think about and with this book you are one 100% expected to begin loving yourself more and expressing the same kind of love to the people around you.

Purpose might as well be the name of the book, because purpose is the vision, mission, objective, goal, and basically the backbone of the core purpose of the book. We need to begin to develop our purpose, but first we need to search deep within our hearts and find out what our purpose is. Think of it this way, the destination is deep in our hearts, right? So we get in our car, we start driving to a place called “deep in our hearts resort”. On our way, there are many challenges/obstacles such as anger, hate, sadness, depression, clutter, grudges, health issues, laziness and so forth. These are the kinds of challenges that you can’t fight your way through; fighting these obstacles will only leave a mess, making it more difficult for us to get to our destination. These you have to CLEAN out of the way, make sure that the mess is gone completely. This will make executing our purpose much easier.

Developing me is about inner growth. You will have to face past hurts and anger to cope and you may not even want to feel some of it as you face it face it. However, cleaning the mess can only do you and I good. You need to be ready because through this book you will become. You will develop and your truth will shine.

During my earlier days I was just an average girl from an average home with both parents that worked hard to ensure our safety, our education and that we never slept on an empty stomach. I had a few friends; most of them fell out of my life. Some on good terms and others on bad terms, I guess it happens. Some of these events were the creation of my trust issues, my anger, my pain, my paranoia, my inability to truly attach myself and so forth. I got to always feeling like there is always someone out there ready to backstab me or attack me. It wasn’t until university where I began really close friendships with a few people. Their love for me brought out a brighter side of me more so their support. I felt trust and I wanted to take it on a test drive. Well let’s just say that life is a roller coaster. There will always be people falling out and new people will jump on but remember that perspective is everything because it helps you either see the bad or good in situations, half-full kind scenarios.

Let’s rewind to primary schools years, I was never really a sporty child or a very social person. I would usually come back from school, stay in the house and just watch TV. School really wasn’t my best activity too, fast forward to high school I made it out (Thanks God). My parents were fairly strict. I do remember sneaking out of the house a few times to go out with “friends”, the inverted comas because true friendship does not require deceiving anyone, especially my parents. My father is an unpredictable man, so I could never know when he would say yes and when he would say no if I asked to go out with friends. Nonetheless i do not promote doing anything against their will especially when if you are underage. Let’s just say I know better.

Socially I became very bad and I think the problem was self confidence. My communication was great but how I felt within was totally different from what I was saying. My confidence levels were not great, filled with loads of insecurities and paranoia. I tried though, to be part of cliques but I guess it just never worked out but it is truly fine because my entire history led me to this point.

The ability to share my story, my point of view and opinions on the general inner and outer appearance of a person developed in part, due to the way I was raised. I am very appreciative of the life that I have. Today I am able to explain why letting go of the hurt, the disappointments and horrors of life is important. There are reasons why you should smile more and be confident, and why you shouldn’t let people’s negative perspective of you, dictate the kind of a person you should be.

I aim to teach you to love yourself more than ever and to just generally enjoy your life.

I will never forget the day I decided to live for me. It was a hot summer day and I thought that I had a few girlfriends, so I thought; wouldn’t it be a great idea to go for lunch?

I invited mutual friends to come through and meet up. They all agreed. We set up the time, place and date. I knew that we were never that close but it was good to catch up with people once in a while. The day arrived and were all supposed to meet. I got to the venue and I waited, for about three hours or so, only to find that they decided to go somewhere else and “they forgot to tell me.” My heart was shattered especially because the outing was my idea.

I’m a big crier but for some reason that day I didn’t cry. I guess I got so used to being “back stabbed” that it didn’t even have impact on me anymore. I felt like my soul was slowly getting numb. I guess it was just a rough game that we played with each other (whose turn is it to be “back stabbed”).In that moment, l decided to order my food, drink, and had a date with myself, “it’s okay to do things by myself”, I said . I began to develop myself. For a “minute” I went off social media to gather my thoughts, meditated and reflected on myself. I began to understand who I am. Because sometimes, I think it’s not that people want to be mean to you but that they just don’t understand you, So it can be a bit difficult for them to be comfortable with you around. The first question I asked myself is, who I am? Who exactly is Omphile, what are my likes and dislikes and how do I interact with other people. The things that I say; do they make people feel bad or good about themselves?

After asking myself these questions, I must admit, I pushed most of them away. Through my lack of trust, I always just felt like at some point, I was been attacked and my friends were coming after me, I became violent towards some of them, I was always in a defence mode and ready to retaliate at all times. I considered myself as “loyal” but how I treated these ladies was not of loyalty. I gossiped about them and said some really mean stuff behind their backs. Of course, they did me wrong and it was only fair to have had my fair share of gossiping. (Screams)

Jealousy was also a very huge factor and this didn’t only apply to friends but to family as well, for example; I found it difficult to congratulate someone on their achievements, because I could not help but seek first place so much, all so that I was able to feel a purpose, a purpose which was not real. We can’t fulfil our purposes by wanting what others have.

Of course sometimes it isn’t jealousy to acknowledge others’ achievements, because yes some people just don’t consider or rather appreciate you, and that could make it difficult for you to consider them as well. I mean yes we are being developed but some bullshit we really don’t have to take.

Imagine you stopped talking to someone because you got jealous when they made a new friend? What the hell is that? But anyway I was just a child from a broken background in terms of interpersonal relationships and how to maintain healthy relationships. I realised l didn’t know how to care properly for the people around me.

I mostly blamed the Ladies and Gentlemen in my life for every single one of my tears and I guess I had a problem. I was still very young and I really did not understand, I just thought that they all wronged me forgetting that they also are not perfect and had their faults. Some of them really were mean but if only I knew then what I know now, maybe I could have handled things differently.

Since I began the self identity phase, I began to wonder about my anger and my hurt and that’s when l realised that I needed to move on, letting go of all my hurt and my pain. This was very difficult. I remember the evening I finally said that I am free, I cried for almost two hours. I took a long walk around the neighbourhood and I just thought, blamed, accepted and forgave.

After that I realised that nothing is easy and a reality just hit me, that to be the complete package I had to work at it. To understand that for this to work I can’t make excuses anymore and so I began a new chapter in my life, to know who I am, and my strengths. Mentally I had to have a winner’s type of mind set, a kind of mind set that didn’t allow me to let petty things get to me, A mindset that didn’t allow me to quit and so I began to fight through my horrors.

I have been hurt so many times by family and friends so I craved a feeling. I craved to feel a love that was different from that which my parents gave me. I know that to be given love, I have to give love and part of forgiveness was the ability to love so easily, to be kind and to give help to those that needed it. When we love others, we also allow others to love others, and that equals to a breakthrough in our society. From all these steps I am a better version of myself. I am proud of myself and I am stronger than ever before.

I am only 23 so I can’t say that I understand life, but my pain has driven me to happy friendships that I cherish with my whole being, a happy family that I get along with and a successful business that’s doing relatively good.

I am hopeful that this book may help you in your time of need, that it may see you through whatever pain that has your pillow wet every night. Be tough and know that you are better than the ‘you’ from yesterday.







Keep calm young one,

Keep your head held high and do your thing.

Face the challenges with wild energy and remember;

Composure.

Slide into the next chapter with a groovy dance,

Open the door with excitement,

And expect only the best.

Believe in thy,

Understand,

Be wise,

Love,

Learn,

And know that you were able to finish the last chapter,

so you will be great in this one too.







1

WHO AM I



Growing up, I was not really a sporty child, an academic nor a social person. At school I was the kind of child that would do less in the more serious subjects such as math, science or accounting. But I was creative so I would do better in subjects such as art and languages. I guess my parents never saw life in the same way as I did because they seemed not to understand, what art was and its role in a career pathway. What they knew was that, I would finish high school then go to varsity, graduate and work... well I haven’t graduated... anyway; my parents grew up in a much different era so I don’t blame them. But honestly that’s when I lost my identity, because I followed rules I didn’t understand and locked away my wishes far away and put their wishes first. My parent’s love me, don’t get me wrong, sometimes I just think they don’t understand the 21st century mind set, but, they will (wink).

**According to the Merriam Webster dictionary; an IDENTITY is the name of a person, their qualities, beliefs, etc., that make a particular person or group different from others**

I would usually come back from school, stay in the house, and watch TV, school really wasn’t my thing, so I would wait till the last minute to do my homework. I did not put in an effort. But every time they gave us an arts and craft project at school I would get out there and really do my best. Arts and crafts was more my thing, but my parents never really saw it that way, they kind of just ignored the talent you know. So I never got to developing myself through what I enjoyed the most and I got stuck in the web and system that wasn’t really “my thing”.

I didn’t put much effort in my math or science, so I just got by .I thought my parents were the confusion police but the TV, OMG... is what confused me more. First it was the cartoons channels that made sense but were never real. Then as time went by there were reality shows that taught me that I needed a boyfriend to feel valued, that I needed rich parents to really be something in society, and so I believed that the perfect symbol for success is buried within the long hair, the nice nails, cars, big houses and trips around the world. So I became an angry teen who wanted what wasn’t real and even worse what her parents couldn’t afford, so there went my identity because I believed that my family and I weren’t good enough.

I wasn’t good at school, I didn’t have rich parents and I wanted what the people on TV had. I was not pretty enough, well according to how I viewed myself in comparison to others in society. Not that my parents were poor or anything. We got nice toys, lived in good neighbourhoods, drove nice cars but it wasn’t good enough. My parents are not the type of people who can just buy little kids big people stuff just because they could. So I became even more lost and confused.

So I became this angry little girl who felt that nothing was good enough, she wasn’t good enough, her life wasn’t good enough, and her entire identity just isn’t good enough. So I became society.

What do I mean by “I became society”? I began to build my life around trying to belong and fit in. Enjoy what I was told to enjoy, dress how society told me to dress. So unless society told me I was good enough I had to keep on doing what society told me. Now the problem with society is that it developed new trends everyday and I couldn’t catch up. I felt like I was never good enough, therefore, it quickly became something I believed.

I know that I can’t blame the world for my messed up head, but really how could I have known that I could choose my own identity, one that is me. A ‘me’ without friends, family and society in general to “judge” and make me feel unimportant?

**Hello my name is omphile and my favourite colour is white I’m an introvert who enjoys reading and writing. I’m not a fan of extremely loud music and hate it when people try to force me into doing something that I don’t like. I’m extremely emotional and I think my problem is that I’m really scared 1; of dogs and 2; of revealing my true self, the naked self that would be torn apart by judgements but despite the judgements the revelation would set me free and make me feel at peace, scared of doing what I want and love without thinking about what would happen if I did, I am very supportive and a very huge giver. My dream job is to be the best CEO I could possibly be at my company, Buttercup Goodies, as well as to help my community in any way I possibly can. My dream car is Aston Martins vanquish and I enjoy some delicious pastries. I love going to church to “cleanse” my soul and redeem my spirit. New adventures I enjoy, as well as hanging with a really close group of friends. My family is my centre and I let life dazzle me**



Knowing your self is very important. IDENTIFICATION - remember how growing up around aunts and uncles was, they would come over and say something like... “oh, this one is shy or this one is naughty, or this one is clever “ that’s (a personality that builds an identity) being identified. 15 years later you develop stage fright all because someone told you how shy you were years ago. It’s almost like you accept the false identity that isn’t you. We can choose who we want to be but first we need to reflect on who we already are, and start accepting, the you right now and choose the you of tomorrow. One needs to accept the good and the bad instead of sticking to the world of denial. Denial makes you stagnant.

You can begin by seeing yourself as beautiful, smart, confident, friendly, active, sweet, kind, happy and so forth because you are changing your mindset towards yourself. Remove all those negative thoughts that the world has placed in our minds because you are precious and deserve better from yourself and from the world.

Being able to understand your likes and dislikes will help you establish things that get you in a negative space and those that get you into your positive vibes. One of our biggest problems is that we do not take the time to know ourselves and understand what works for us and what doesn’t. Of course we are humans, we are constantly changing and developing but we should know the basis of our lives and habits that stick with us. We should be able to avoid situations that we don’t want around us, and be able to distinguish between what we like or dislike.

How do we respect ourselves if we don’t even know the things that make us comfortable and those that don’t? I mean if we really cared about our own feelings, we would make sure that we avoid negative vibes and surround ourselves with positives as often as we possibly can. Self-respect is knowing self worth and this means knowing your worth and never allow anyone put you in any situation that you don’t want to be in.

Knowing where to draw the line, means that we are able to choose for ourselves what situations we want to be in and those we really don’t even need to be in. Sometimes it takes drawing the line around ourselves first, then after, with the people around us. If being around smokers makes me feel uncomfortable then why would I even bother being around smokers? To know ‘you’ really isn’t a task, it doesn’t take that much energy or time. Knowing your self is practice, we can start by noting our dislikes and likes, and something by putting a stamp on what we like and don’t like.

Of course we can’t write down all our likes and dislikes but making it a habit to introspect yourself can really save you from many unnecessary situations that make you feel awful. Noting your likes and dislikes is almost like keeping a journal of things to embrace or avoid at all cost.


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