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Obstacles & Uncertainty


Obstacles & Uncertainty

By: Viola Santiago





Dedication

This book dedicated to my Husband Wilson, who has been by my side since day one. Our Love will always shine, I will love you, until your death do us part. To my kids Andrea King-Taylor, Tony, Lizzete and Renee. To my grandkids Jahson, Heaven, King, Princess, Kaliah, Izzy, Arri Ragnar. To my family in Panama. The King and the Mendez family. To my adopted family, who have been there for me since the beginning. To my nana, Forcey, Muhammad, Nelson, Spivey, Shaw and to Mia and her family.

To my nieces and nephew, my sisters, Mimi and Marcia, Jus, Sushie, Erica, Tonito and Emilio. And to the rest of my relatives, my cousins Marco and Lana. To Nani and her kids, Herbert Taylor-Thompson, Sada, Zuri, Zyair, Jahsiah, Nasir, Mark, Eliza, Alexia and Adrianna. Last but not least to my doctors, R. Ming in the Gastrologist Department. Doctor Wei in the Neurology Department, and Doctor Nan Li in the Respiratory Department. Thank you All!



Acknowledgments

My Authors and My reading buddies have been my biggest supporter in my journey. They have all visited my Website and left encouraging and uplifting words in my guest book. My Authors who agreed I could mention them in my book. Author Myia White, Author Belleza, Author Chastity Adams, Author Leo Sullivan and all of LSP Team, Author Porsha Sterling and the Royalty team. Author Kira, Author Chrissy Joyner, Author Marvin Bristol, Author Blake Karrington, Author Shay Renee, Author Lissa St. Julien.

Author Jacori, Author Sherene Holly Cain, Author Nikki Tylor, Author K.C. Mills, Author T.M. Jenkins, Author Sanaa Smith, Author Karma Monae, Author Cassius Alexander, Author B. Smith, Author Talehia McCants. Author Shan Richardson, Author A.J Write, Author Nika P, Author Shavonne Latrice, Author Silk, Author B.M., Author Kiara Neufville, Author Tinera Butler, Author Coco Shawnde, Author Kellz Kimberly, Author Taylor Kirk, Author Kendra King, Author Kaylyn Kiara.

Author Kia Jones, Author Latoya Manning, Author Latoya Nicole Williams, Author Nene Capri, Author Latoya Evens, Author Sephiri J, Author Johnni Sherri, Author Chaun Farmer, Author Aski, Author Chase Sidora, Author Shakira Brown, Author Destiny Skai, Author Meesha Turner, Author Saja Jay, Author T.C. Littles, Author Londyn Lenz, Author A.J. Davidson, Author Mz Lady-P, Author Lucinda John, Author Kelly Marie, Author Bianca Marie, Author Miss Candice, Author Ashley Marie, Author Mia LeShae Bashay, Author Mandee.

Author Micha Michay, Author Deeann, Author Veronica Malone, Author Myiesha Mason, Author Kevina Hopkins, Author Jessie Wren, Author Amarie Avant, Author T.J., Author Jelissa Shante, Author Tranay Adams, Author Trenae, Author Azayler, Author Royal Nicole, Author Kiara Neufville, Author Shaytrece, Author Diamond Johnson, Author Briana Crosby, Author Demettrea, Author Chanelle Alexandria, Author Tru Lyfe, Author Genesis Woods, Author Shantay, Author Taylor B, Author Jai Lynn, Author Tay Mo’ Nae, Author Cherice Harris, Author Zai.

Author Gigi, Author Ebony Diamonds, Author Frank Gresham, Author Kasey Edwards, Author Tina Marie, Author Shaniya Dennis, Author Natisha Raynor, Author Desiree Polk, Author Heiress, Author Twyla, Author Cole Hart, Author Amaya, Author Dominique Thomas, Author Nikqua, Author Gissele, Author Daniella Norrington, Author Jewelz, Author Alex, Richardson, Author Lovely Ann, Author Evelyn Latrice, Author A.J. Dixon, Author Ro Monique, Author K.A. Williams, Author Whitney Williams, Author Mel G, Author Jamilia Fair, Author Tasha Nashay, Author Jazzie Collins, Author Mercedes G, Author Leonna and Author Taniece.

If I have forgotten anyone, please forgive me, my heart is, so overwhelmed. I love every last one of y’all, please keep writing. If you get discouraged, know that I will be right here waiting for my next book. Everybody knows me as #Stalkerforlife oops! My reading partners Keyla Anderson, Kiana Gayle-Joyner, Natasha Robinson, Joan Brooke, Tonischa Craig, Yvette Renee and all my reading groups. I be able to see and talk about books. I am glad I am not the only one, who be all in my feelings when I finish reading.

I must go now, I am part of the Cleaning crew, they sent me a text asking if I was finished, because the Authors are putting in work and they need help. So, I must report for duty. I need to know which Author went crazy tearing up the city. Thanks everybody for taking time out of your busy lives to read about my journey! If you haven’t visited my website and signed my guestbook, please feel free to do so. If you have visited and left words of encouragement and upliftment, you have my heartfelt thanks and gratitude. If you would like to follow me on twitter @violaking16.





Prologue

As the years progressed, I obtained employment and an apartment. I started providing and handling dual responsibility as a single mom. I had to take on the tasks of being my kids mom and dad. At this moment, I was in full survival mode. I was not in a dating state of mind nor was I interested in meeting anyone new. It was all about providing shelter, food, and clothing for my children. I lived on a very strict budget, there was no name brand clothes, constant eating out, or anything that would cause me to live above my means.

At times, I often wished, I could’ve been a better mom. I worked so hard to make sure my kids had everything they needed. I was practically just their mom in body, but emotionally, my state of mind was primarily set on working. My job was in Hicksville, New York. I’d been working for a while, before I started getting sick. While fighting through my sickness, I was still going to work and doing whatever it took to make sure my rent and bills were paid.

After not being able to fight the sickness any longer. I decided to go see a doctor, thinking I’d be treated for a simple stomach virus and things would go back to normal. After the doctor ran the necessary test, I waited days for the results. When the doctor finally called me back to his office. He greeted me with a serious look on his face. Nervousness settled in the pit of my stomach, as I anticipated what he was about to say.

He stared at me and said, “Ms. Mendez your lab results are not good.” Now anxiety was brewing deep within me. I held my breath as he continued. He said, “According to the results from your Biopsy liver, Endoscopy, blood work, your diagnosis is Biliary Cirrhosis and Ulcer Colitis.

My world fell apart, in a split second, my emotions were all over the place. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. After several moments of silence from both me and the doctor. I looked up at him and said, “I am beating this!”


Chapter One

Childhood

My family originates from Panama, we speak two languages… English and Spanish. My mother’s family only spoke, Spanish and my dad’s family spoke, English and Spanish. I was able to speak, write, and understand both languages. I was the oldest of my parent’s three daughters…my father’s twin. I had his eyes, dimples, skin-complexion, personality and attitude. My sister Brenda is five years younger than me, resembles our father as well. My youngest sister Marcia who is nine years younger than me, strangely resembles the actress, Tisha Campbell.

I was born in 1961, Brenda was born in 1966, and Marcia was born in 1970. Our father lived by a strict Panamanian culture, he was the main disciplinary and our mom was quiet and faithful, and down to earth. In our household, all chores had to be done, starting with the kitchen, bathroom, living room, washing clothes and so on. If the chores wasn’t done, my sisters and I would get punished, until all chores were completed.

At the age of five, I was very shy, and did not speak, but I understood both languages when they were spoken to me. My inability to speak followed me, all the way through kindergarten. By the time I was six, I started speaking more, but my words were confusing and stuttered.

As I progressed in school, I had to take a hearing test. The result was that I was deaf in my right-ear. I was born deaf, so a hearing aid would not help. In fifth grade, I did not get promoted, so I was on punishment the whole summer. My family was living on Mc Dougal Street through our Junior High School years. In 1973, We moved to the projects in a three-bedroom home.

I had one room, my sisters had to share the other room. We all went to school and church only, no after school activities. I was in the choir for a brief time and went to the youth retreat. In the choir I sang soprano. My mom loved going to church, my dad on the other hand was a submissive. We went to parks, camps, and Coney Island and had some good times. When I was in school, I fought a lot at times. I got jumped but did not tell my sisters, because I felt they were too young to be fighting my battles.

My journey was different from there’s. My description was slim, with Chinese eyes, deep dimples, I stood five-feet, six-inches tall, and weighed one-hundred fifteen pounds. I’d been told I resemble Gabrielle Union or Debbie Morgan. One day, I was going to the store when I met Mia. We became the best of friends, that lead to a lifetime. We met on December 21, 1973, two weeks after my family moved. Mia had five brothers and one sister. I became her adoptive sister and adopted daughter to her family. We spent a lot time together.

The both of us was able to get summer jobs and went shopping for school clothes and supplies. We stayed in King Plaza Mall and ate in restaurants. Mia always wondered how I could eat so much and still stay so slim? Mia had a wicked sense of humor that kept us laughing, there was nothing we couldn’t talk about.

She lived on second floor and I lived on the fifth floor. I stayed in fights in school and on the block. Every time I would give Mia the details about my fights, we’d both bust out laughing. I would always tell her, who I met and how the person looked that lead to the laughter.

During holidays I stayed at Mia’s house stuffing my face. Her mom Ms. Cotton would say, “Girl if you do not stay out my kitchen.” Then she’d roll her eyes at me.

I would just look at her and laugh, Ms. Cotton knew her chitlins was the only ones I’d eat. I only knew how to cook lasagna, Mac Cheese, and Collard greens. One day my daddy brought a boy to the house and introduced him to us, as our step brother. He looked happy, my sisters also seemed okay with his sudden appearance, but I felt no happiness or excitement.

One day, this so call brother, wanted me to kiss him in the mouth. When I refused he stuck his nasty ass tongue in my mouth and started feeling all over me. This would happen more and more with each visit he made. I was only twelve years old, I did not understand what was happening or how to tell my dad. I couldn’t wrap my mind around what was up with all the kissing and touching he was doing to me, since we were supposed to be brother and sister.

As time went by with each of my brother’s visits, I started becoming withdrawn. His actions made it hard for me to remain normal. I no longer wanted to attend church, sing in the choir or anything. The only thing that stayed consistent was my chores, because I knew if they weren’t done, my sisters and I would all get a butt whipping.

One day I became so sad and confused, that I took a bottle of sleeping pills. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. I was in a horrible state of mind, and although I was still going to school, I was so withdrawn. I didn’t want to be around anybody. I did not care for birthday parties, or any portion of happiness and joy. Through all this though, Mia was always there for me, we still shopped together, and she kept me laughing, but every time I was alone, sadness would take over my entire being.

As years pass, my interest in meeting a male friend grew rapidly. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that, at the time I was attending an all girl’s school and was over being around females all day. At times, I would see some of the females at my school in the bathroom or the hallways kissing other females. Although I’m not homophobic and believe people have the right to be, who they are and follow their own desires. My only desire was male companionship.

One day, I was outside with, Mia talking and I said to her, “Look at that bowlegged man.”

He had slick wavy hair, was dressed fresh from head to toe, and resembled that fine ass actor Columbus Short from the Stomp The Yard and the T.V. series Scandal.

She said, “You are a mess.”

“Yep, and I am going to ask him his name, watch me.” I boldly replied. True to my word, I went over to him and asked him his name.

He said, “My name’s Trevino. What’s your name?”

“Marisol.” I told him, smiling.

We talked or a while, and got to know each other, thankfully I no longer struggled with mix feelings. As things got more serious between us, Trevino took me to meet his family. His mom, sisters and brothers took me in as family. After months of knowing one another, Trevino and I finally got intimate. We built a strong, solid friendship, and our intimacy was well enjoyable. It was so pleasurable making love to Trevino, but during the midst of our love making, the condom he was wearing broke. Even though the condom had broken, I hope with everything in me that nothing would happen, since it was only my first time.

As time passed, we continued to build our friendship. My dad however made that harder to do with his strict ways. Trevino did try to meet with my dad, but had no success. One day, I started vomiting and feeling nauseated, not to mention I was craving things I normally wouldn’t eat. I had to talk to the one person I knew wouldn’t judge me or say anything. When I finally did get to meet with Mia, I wasted no time confiding in her.

“Mia girl, I think, I’m pregnant” I confessed.

“Girl, you lying?’’ she said, having a hard believing it.


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