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LOVE YOURSELF AND SUCCEED

JACOB KUTOANE



CHAPTER ONE: HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

Where does success first begin? If you said the mind then you are correct and if not, well it begins in the mind. In order to become successful in anything in life whether it’s success in your marriage, business or basically anything, you have to think like a successful person and in order to think this way you must change your mind. You can’t really become a success if you don’t think like a success because success begins in the mind. I think before God created the universe he saw it first in his and was so pleased with what he saw that he actually then created the universe. Even God needs to use his mind in order to do or create something successfully. Now some people may have a mental problem which I once had myself and this problem can greatly hinder them from achieving their success or even trying to achieve their success. This problem although small is very dangerous and needs to be dealt with immediately or it just gets worse and worse and leaves you insecure. This problem which I am addressing isn’t a medical condition or anything of that nature that would require you to go to the doctor. Not loving yourself and not accepting yourself is the problem I am addressing. Self-denial is not as bad as having a physical mental problem but it is also a mental problem and still needs to be dealt with. Some people don’t want to succeed because they believe they aren’t worthy of success. They believe that they aren’t worthy of a good marriage, family, friends whatever the case may be and this is a mental problem. Just imagine what would have become of this world if God thought he wasn’t worthy of creating a universe for himself, would this earth even exist. Imagine if God’s son Jesus Christ thought that he wasn’t worthy of being praised do you honestly think he would have died for the human race when he knew that this would lead to him being praised by not only humans but angels as well. God and his son aren’t insecure and since they created you in their image you shouldn’t be insecure either you should be like Jesus. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be successful and you deserve to chase after your God given dreams because you are worthy of the success that comes with them. Whether you believe in Jesus or not I think you would be mad not to desire the good qualities he had. Why wouldn’t you desire to be happy, loving, grateful, helpful, disciplined, patient, enduring and merciful. All these qualities are helpful and will benefit you as they have for Jesus. Since he was happy he had peace as a benefit. He was and still is loving and even gave his life for the human race and therefore got to be given a high position in heaven and a name(title) higher than any other as a benefit. He was grateful and therefore it was easy for him to be humble as a benefit. He was helpful and as a benefit received love from the people, glory and favour from God. He was disciplined and could get highly important things done and was at the right place at the right time. He was patient and therefore tolerant. He endured torture and got eternal glory from the result of that suffering and most importantly he is merciful and for this he is followed by many. These things plus more can also help you as a person in your own way for example being discipline can also help you get things done and also give you a good reputation especially as an entrepreneur because reputation is extremely significant. These things can’t be possessed by a person who doesn’t love themselves because of whatever the reason. Giving love to yourself is the most charitable thing you could and should do. We all know that you can’t give what you don’t have and it is so true. If you have twenty dollars and someone was to ask you for one dollar not only would you be able to give it to them but you would be able to give more to them because you have so much still left. So in order to give love you must first love yourself and luckily for love once you have more love for yourself you could give and never run out. Once you have love for yourself you would know that you are actually worthy of being successful and you could easily develop a successful mindset and self-confidence. So how can you learn to love yourself which I personally think is the first key to success because once you truly love yourself you can be happy and think like a successful person. You can also impact other people with your positivity and spread joy to everyone you meet. Also remember that too much honey can make you vomit, the same with having too much love for yourself that you become prideful.

Being kind to yourself

Most people who find it difficult to accept themselves have a bad habit of being harsh to themselves. They may fail at some small activity and call themselves all types of bad names because of one failure. They may fail to accomplish a certain task and go on and on to themselves about how stupid, lazy and pathetic they are. If you say bad things to yourself every time you do something wrong you are going to end up believing what you say. Keep telling yourself that you are a good for nothing sloth and you will end up believing that and once you believe you are only halfway of becoming an actual good for nothing sloth. So in order to love yourself you must stop calling yourself all kinds of bad names just because you made a small mistake. Instead of that realize that you are not perfect and not only you but everybody else isn’t perfect and that we all make mistakes. Instead of saying something bad to yourself every time you fail say something positive and uplifting. Don’t say ,” How could I make such a dumb mistake, I’m such an idiot.” Rather acknowledge that you made a mistake and find something good to say. Say something like,” Oh what a dumb mistake I made I guess next time I must be more cautious to avoid such silly mistakes.” Just say anything opposite the negative things you keep on saying to yourself. Since this takes time to get used to and you might have forgotten this piece of advice the next time you make a mistake, you should stop reading and starting purposely making mistakes and saying good things to yourself now. Make at least ten mistakes and instead of saying negative things to yourself practise saying good encouraging things. Take the least expensive glass cup and break it on purpose then try to say something good to yourself about what just did. When you do this the next time you make a mistake you will remember the broken glass and also remember to approach the situation with kindness as you did with the glass bottle. I seriously dare you to break a glass cup on purposely, it will be fun just make sure you don’t cut yourself in the process and don’t forget to approach yourself with kindness.

Don’t compare yourself to others

You may not like yourself because you feel bad about yourself and you may feel bad about yourself because you keep comparing yourself to other people. This is something you need to stop doing and instead of comparing yourself to other people just focusing more on yourself. You can do this by easily writing affirmations to yourself about yourself. Write down all the things you like about yourself and if you can’t think of many things to write then ask somebody close to you to tell you a few things they like about you and write them down. Say these affirmations to yourself every morning and night. Also ask the person about all the bad things they don’t like about you and try to change them but don’t use them as affirmations. When using affirmations you actually begin to focus more on your skills and ignore the skills of other people. You begin to appreciate yourself more and fall in love with yourself more.

Improve the way you dress

Not loving and appreciating yourself also is a sign of low self-esteem and low self-confidence and one tool to help you improve your self-esteem and confidence is to improve your dressing style. If you haven’t already then you need to start taking care of your outward appearance, start grooming yourself. Choose a hairstyle that makes you look good and don’t be afraid to try something new. Just by having a neat good looking hairstyle you can begin to feel good about yourself. So choose a hairstyle you love. Also if you have a beard you might want to take good care of it at all time. Make sure you keep it neat and clean. Just by taking care of this you can boost your confidence.

Another tool to use for boosting your confidence in regards to physical appearance is your dress code. Improving your dress code will help you increase your confidence. Improving your dress code along with having that new hair style you keep rocking will make you feel great. Dressing in good clothes doesn’t mean they have to be extremely expensive. There are affordable clothes out there that you can still look sharp in. I recommend going to YouTube and searching for dressing tips for men if you are a guy and for women if you are female. There are many YouTube videos out there that can help you improve your style. In order to swim you must first learn how to swim so the same rule applies with clothes in order to dress sharp you must first learn how to dress sharp. If your current style isn’t working for you so then it’s time to change it. Look into this tip about your dress code because it really does make a difference. Not only will it increase your confidence but it will make people have a good judgment of you. since people judge a book by its cover having a dazzling cover gives people a good impression of you.

Who do you dream of becoming?

When I had no love for myself I began to change who I was first in a bad way which thankfully didn’t work out. I tried to be a “cool” playboy that would have lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of girls. I tried changing myself to that person because I believed this would make me love myself. I thought that other people who I knew would accept and respect me for being just like them and I would end up happy. Luckily for me no matter how hard I tried I would still be very awkward when communicating with the opposite sex and for this reason my dream of being a playboy was easily put to sleep. No girl wants to sleep with a boy who can’t even hold a conversation for more than five minutes. Even when I had a girlfriend the date would be filled with so much awkward silence that even my soul just wished it could run out of my body for some fresh air. I remember my old self constantly approaching girls and asking for their numbers. I think in my lifetime I have approached about fifty girls and only five of those approaches were successful even though they too were awkward. I am so glad that I was socially awkward at first because this is what actually lead to me giving up this whole trying to be cool thing and change for the good. When I got depressed because of the many rejections I faced and the embarrassment I got from my friends I began reading this book called shift happens by Robert Holden which I found lying around at my grandmother’s house and that book made me fall in love with self-help books that I actually got into the habit of reading self-help books and also business books. I also began reading the bible. Through reading those self-help books plus the bible I became a better person and from that I was way happy with myself than before. Reading business books also gave me the drive to become an entrepreneur and from that dream I began to have goals of what I want to achieve and who I have to become in order to achieve that. As I keep becoming more of this person( the better version of myself) I fall more in love with myself. And so I have realized that in order to love yourself you need to have a vision of who you want to become and during the pursuit of becoming this person you will find happiness and peace with yourself. Some people who may be overweight might not be happy with themselves while others might be. So for those who are not happy I suggest that you set a goal to lose a certain amount of weight and work on that goal. Set a goal of who you want to be ten years from now and work on achieving that goal. You should also know that in order to lose weight you need to make a lot of changes about the way you live and remember that all of it will be worthwhile. Losing weight for those people could be the better version of themselves. Once you know who you want to become and have set a goal to change to that person then you will be happy and fall in love with yourself. You must have a vision of who you really want to be and hopefully it isn’t to become a cool playboy or girl. Just decide who you want to become and what you need to do in order to get there and on this pursuit of change you will fall in love with yourself and more in love once you become that person.

Help unfortunate people and praise yourself for it

Once you know who you want to be you should make time to help people maybe through volunteering at something or just by helping misfortunate people financially. Helping other people makes you focus less on yourself and more on others, it softens your heart and fills you with love and humanity. Once you start helping other people what you should then do is reward yourself for this. Reward yourself for actually taking your time to help another person or an organisation and for making a difference. Help other people in order to make yourself feel good and reward yourself every time you help a person or an organisation whether it is financially or not. It isn’t a bad thing to help others in order to feel good about yourself and to praise yourself because at the end of the day it really is a win-win situation, the person or organisation wins from your help and you feel good for helping. Helping other people help you become a good person and you acknowledging that allows you to feel more in peace with yourself. When you praise yourself you praise yourself to yourself not by telling other people how good of a person you are. If you are a Christian just know that every time you help a person you make God happy even if you do it for your own self pleaser after all that’s what it’s all about. You feel good as a human when helping others because that is what we were meant to do especially as Christians is to help other people and feeling good becomes a reward for this. Even God feels good about himself every time he helps people because if it didn’t make him feel good why else would he keep on doing it? Even God rewards himself for helping his children and not only once but many times in the bible and even today he also rewards himself, it’s not a bad thing it is actually a good thing to remind yourself of the good you do every now and then. What you should not do when helping others is think that you are better than other people who don’t ever even think of helping another person. Give yourself praise to yourself for every good deed you do no matter how small and you will love yourself more because you will realize that, you are actually a good person. Just don’t give yourself too much praise and become filled with pride.

So don’t compare yourself to other people and use affirmations to focus on yourself and appreciate yourself, take care of your appearance and be kind to yourself. Knowing who you want to become and actually making the goal to becoming the better version of yourself is one way to expand the little love you have for yourself and rewarding yourself for helping others is also a way to expand your love and humanity. Once you do these things above you will start falling in love with yourself and this will help you realize that you too can succeed and you can also start thinking opening your mind to think like a successful person. Once you believe you can succeed then you have already achieved the first 50% of what it actually takes to succeed. If you believe then you are half way there already all you have to do is put in the work it takes to achieve the dream you have. Loving yourself is a start even if you didn’t have a problem with loving yourself and even if you know who you want to become still go out there and reward yourself for helping and for being a good person. The world needs people who are willing to lift others up so why not become that person. Try to help other families or people who aren’t doing as well as you are and again reward yourself but not too much!



CHAPTER TWO: CHANGE YOUR THINKING

Become a problem solver

Success starts in your mind and in order to think like a successful person you have to think in the right way. In order to think like a successful person you will first need to take responsibility for your life. Realize you are responsible for where you are now. You are responsible for how people treat you and if they treat you badly then you are responsible for how you react to that. Taking responsibility means letting go of blame because you can’t take full responsibility if you keep on blaming someone else or something for things that happened in your life. Even if whatever happened was someone else’s fault you need to let go and move on with your life. Learning to stop blaming your country, parents or situation is one way of taking responsibility and look to find a way to improve. In order to think like a successful person you need to quit blaming because it doesn’t move you forward at all. Blame just points a finger but doesn’t move you forward. You don’t move forward by complaining about things you move forward by finding solutions to problems. Learning to take responsibility and letting go of blame helps you become a problem solver. This is how successful people think they solve problems instead of looking at them from all angles and doing nothing about it. Start today and decide to become a problem solver, don’t just complain about things or blame people about them but find a way to change them. Change your thinking and think of how you are going to solve things whether it is your relationships or your weight or just anything. Once you believe you can succeed and try finding a way to succeed and do it.

Become optimistic

If you have ever been a child once in your life then you would remember how happy big goals made you even when they may have been unrealistic they just excited you. As you grew up and got to know more about the world your optimism turned to pessimism. You realized you can’t be a super hero anymore and that if you actually got shot you would die. The dream to save the world fades away and you look into something more realistic like saving the world by becoming a doctor or a policeman or woman. I want you to become a optimist once again and start setting huge goals for yourself to achieve. Although huge they still must be realistic don’t have silly goals like wanting to become rich overnight unless you have a huge online business up and running. Being optimistic brings out the child inside of you once and gives you that excitement to live life like a kid again with a more mature approach. In order to be successful about anything you want to achieve you must first believe and in order to have fun chasing the dream be optimistic. Many people who created huge things such as cars, airplanes and many other awesome things we use today were optimistic people. Imagine sitting down with a person from 500 B.C and telling them that you want to build a flying object which will allow humans to flight in it in order to travel to far away destinations in a short period of time. Those people would think you are crazy and tell you to go and do something realistic like sow your seeds so that you may be able to feed your family or something. But look at all these flying air crafts in the air today all because of optimism. Human beings can literally do anything, we just have to find a way to do it. People forget that humans are made in God’s imagine and that we like God have the ability to create things. We like God can create something from nothing if we believe. I believe God and Jesus Christ are both optimistic. This may just be one of the reasons why Jesus loves children so much because they believe in anything they have faith and one way to please God is through faith.

To become optimistic you need to remove all the things that are holding you from achieving your goal. Remove all the pessimistic people from your life, and remove all the negative things from your life. Stop listening to negative people who always indulge in foolish things such as gossip and stop watching the news unless you want to hear more about violence, rape, crime and murder. You can’t be an optimist if you keep on feeding your brain negative things all the time. Although you may not think watching the news or feeding on negative information is making you negative then you are only lying to yourself. Cut off all the people who aren’t moving you forward and focus on being positive.

Focus on the good things of life

After removing all the bad things you used to focus on you have to start focusing more on the good in everything you do. Focusing on the good means removing all negative from your entire life, it means not focusing on violence, bad language or just anything negative. Even when watching a movie or a TV show make sure that it has less violence and less cursing words. Minimize your view of negative television, negative news and negative music. Make sure you listen to music that uplifts you and make sure the lyrics to the music aren’t negative. Most songs especially hip hop are filled with negative lyrics rapping about guns, drugs, sex and just bragging about wealth. It is even hard to find good R & B music or love songs that aren’t about breaking up or sex. The best music to listen to is music with no lyrics, just peaceful instrumentals to help you relax. If you don’t like symphonies, dance music or any instrumental music then stick to your genre but listen to songs with good lyrics. Listening to a hip hop song about shooting a person while dabbing is the same as watching the news with all of its negative information. If you love to read newspapers then you might want to consider shifting to magazines because newspapers usually are filled with negative stories about rap, killing and etc. In order to be an optimist you need to illuminate all the negative stuff and focus and the positive. Once you do this you start to fill your mind with useful good information that you might use when encountering a problem. Being positive also makes it easier to stop complaining and blaming others, it helps you become a problem solver and a peace maker. So start filling your mind with positive things and good helpful habits and if you have the time find a hobby you love and do it.

The importance of a healthy mind

A healthy mind equals to a healthy lifestyle and happiness. Our health really does affect the way we think and feel and this is why we need to take good care of it. Eating junk food all the time can make you feel lazy and drained out and eating healthy food can actually not only give you energy but also make you look good. Eating healthy gives you a sharp mind and with a sharp mind you can easily chop your way through life’s forest. You become more awaken with a sharp mind and become good at solving problems which is a very essential skill for successful people. Living a healthy lifestyle will also have great benefits in the long run the most important of these benefits is a long good life. Once you are old and healthy you will be able to do what many old people can’t do: jog, be more flexible, play sports with your grandchildren and many other things that most old people can’t do because they cared less about their health. You’ll less likely suffer from back problems or painful body parts since they would be strong and active. Your body’s immune system becomes stronger and it becomes more difficult for sicknesses such as common cold to overcome you.

You can become healthy by just simply eating more healthier food than you normally eat. Start exercising by jogging or doing some simple exercises and if you are really that lazy remember that going for a walk is also an exercise. You can become healthy by improving your sleeping time, sleep for about seven to eight hours daily. This gives you more energy to tackle the next day since your mind will be more aware and fresh. Also drink more water to keep yourself dehydrated during the day, caring a water bottle around with you so that you don’t forget to drink more water. Go out to nature and just sit in a place filled with trees and enjoy the fresh air that you get from them. Fresh air and sunshine can also help you become more healthy and as you are out there enjoying the fresh air you can practice meditation. Believing in God can also help with your wellbeing by making you become more of a calm and peaceful person which promotes a healthy mindset. Being healthy can really have a good impact on your IQ and help you manage and create a successful life for yourself. Also drinking too much tea and coffee can be a bad thing but not as bad drinking too much alcohol that can seriously destroy you not just mentally. If you are a person who usually drinks beer I would suggest not to drink any beer at all if you want a drink with alcohol then at least wine which can also benefit your health but also don’t consume too much of it.




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