Excerpt for Silently Yours, Lucienne. by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Silently Yours, Lucienne

by Amira Awaad

Copyright© 2018 Amira Awaad
All rights reserved.

Except for use in a review, no part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in print or electronic form without my permission.

Cover by Oliviaprodesign
Edited by Dr. Stanley McMahon, Independent Editor

Greetings and Salutations

Dear Reader,

For nearly twenty years, I have lived a life of duality. Online, I wrote and corresponded and lived by the alias Lucienne LaCroie, and in a way, yes, that is who I am. My choice to operate under this alias rendered me without a face. I was a ghost, a silhouette.

For years, people read, people “followed”... they heard my laughter, my screams, and even the distant beats of my heart. But, they never saw me or knew, for example, that I am a woman; a daughter, a mother, and now a wife. Or that I carry Deserts in my eyes, the Nile in my veins, and that the Earth can be seen spinning right under my skin. Or that my name in actuality is……………Amira.

Paralleling my fantastical online identity was my reality as an educator. By way of profession, I have shared classrooms with over a thousand and one students over the course of my career. These marvelous young men and women knew Amira, but never heard the silent voice — the writing and the ramblings of Lucienne LaCroie.

Right now, immediately, and with a sense of urgency, I invite you to a cup of tea with my soul. Who knows, perhaps you may find that somewhere along the way, you had met Lucienne. You may remember her from a distant past in some long deleted corner of the online universe. As you sip this slow steeped tea, take in some of the storms of my mind, and know that I am real. I am here…and I am very pleased to finally, meet you.

Silently yours,


Table of Contents:

On Finding a Pen Pal

Always Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Dark

Make a Strong Performance as the Leading Character in the Story of My Life

Experience True Love

Convince the Universe that I am a Good Person and that It Should Treat Me Well

My Last Day as a Teacher

Good Karma

I am Focused and Determined and Make Things Happen

Re-united With My Best Friend

Meet My Former Students For Lunch

Go One Full Day Without Using the Phrase “I Was in a Meeting”

I Cut My Hair

Visit to the Khan el Khalili Bazaar in Egypt (again)

Pay For a Stranger’s Meal

Catch Up on “Play” Time

Loving Daughter

Egypt’s Flower Festival

Never Give Anyone Permission to Make You Feel Small or Inferior

Master’s Degree

“Thank You” Notes for Every One of My Students

On a Road Trip With No Predetermined Destination

Let Go of the Past

Be More Sociable

Kill the Pesky Mosquito That Keeps Me Awake at Night


Wake Up Feeling Peaceful

Rewind 7000 Years – Home

The Fictitious Men I’ve Loved in My Life

I Want to See Greece

Leave Little Messages For Strangers To Find

Record the Musical Influences On My Life

Be Ghandi

Learn to Manage Stress

My Son’s Name is Spelled L.O.V.E.

My Day Job Gets In The Way

Slow Down and Learn to Break Through the Shell

Write it ALL..Say it ALL

Cultivating Femininity

Dancing in the Rain

Pray More

The Art of Swordsmanship

Letters, Candlewax, Rings


Open a School – Close a Prison

On Finding a Pen Pal

Letters for The Unknown

I was raised all over the world, and so, I was brought up in between the cultures and traditions and values of diverse people.

There is much to be learned from this kind of life-experience.

Thing is, I love meeting new people. And I love hearing their stories on life and living. But I am also a very busy person and don’t always have the time to go out for coffee.

Realistically, I also write far better than I speak.

I would like to find a pen-pal. One with whom I can form an interesting relationship with based on written correspondence.

Always Light a Candle Instead of Cursing the Dark

A Beloved Professor

Today I left work a few hours early (and thank God I did because I was on the verge of tears). Interestingly enough, I left work to visit with a dear man who generously offered to help me with work.

As my mind convulsed like a ball of locked up spiders, I cursed the darkness there is in this world. I was so angry… he lit a candle...

I feel calmness, once again. I feel centered and focused, once again. I am hopeful. The tears don’t need to fall just yet.

To him who is wise and caring and embodies tranquility, thank you for lighting a candle and making the spiders go away.

My Friend

In the middle of this night, in the shadows of its darkness, I think of my friend. I light a candle to remove the darkness — to ease the racing of her heart.

You are my friend, and I love you dearly.

I am here, for better or for worse… you are my candle. You illuminate the corners of my universe.

You are my light

Never forget:
Light travels fast, and the universe is ever expanding... one flows through the other; they flow within each other. There is no end.

In Sickness and In Health

I thank the Lord for every breath inhaled:
In health
In love
In tears
Yes, even in pain.

Tuesday night, as I was walking to class, I could feel my body weakening with every step I took.

As the lecture progressed, my voice changed. It was deeper and resounded in my ears.

I coughed, sneezed, teared. Yes, along with half the country, I had caught a cold.

Now, it is Thursday afternoon. I lay in my bed, grateful that it is a national holiday and that I do not have to be at work. Cough medicine, decongestants, and Kleenex grace my nightstand.

And I thank the Lord, kindly, for how wonderful I feel in mind and spirit, even as my body shudders in pain.

Even If It Means “A Dentist’s Chair”

When I woke up this morning, I was surrounded by the familiar walls of my bedroom. Birds were chirping outside, the grapevine looked exquisite in the sun and is starting to bear fruit… they are still babies.

I didn’t imagine that as I was sipping my coffee, my father would call to inform me that I had a dentist appointment and that “this time you’re going!”.. oh joy.

My dentist doesn’t talk a lot. He works. Which is good. Only, he doesn’t smile much either. The thing I love is that I can get him to smile; laugh even.

Today, poor, terrified me sat in the chair and asked him if I was the only one who got scared. He said I was brave compared to his other clients. I told him, “Oh come on! I got kicked out of another dentist’s clinic.. he wouldn’t have me as his patient” and apparently, the man found that hilarious. He laughed so much he had to step away from my mouth.

If I had to choose where to be on a Saturday, I would not choose the dentist, just because… well… I would choose something else. And it’s not like I knew either! I was happily procrastinating on this one. It was a surprise appointment.

My parent’s philosophy: “Don’t tell her anything until the driver’s on his way and that way she’ll just get dressed and go.”

It’s not the end of the world, or my day. So, I went to the dentist, now my teeth are clean.

Make a Strong Performance as the Leading Character in the Story of My Life

Because My Son Said So

As I sit here, with my laptop on my lap and my son cuddled beside me in bed (we’re having a sleep over with extra pillows and fluffy covers), he asked me what this meant [Make a Strong Performance as the Leading Character in the Story of my Life]. 

And so I explained it… and then he said, “Mom you did that” and then he paused and turned to me and nodded as he added, “by being a great mother.”

So there we have it.. because my son said so.

Cheers everyone!

Experience True Love


I am fascinated by language. Words tend to ignite bullet trains in my mind, as it races to dissect them and understand them and analyze them.

The word soul mate is sometimes written as soulmate. My mind is racing to the telling of the ancient Greeks of human created as two and divided in half and sent afar in the Earth to wander and strive to re-unite.

It races to the dreaded, age-long musing that, there is only one perfect soul for each of us in the world. What if we never find each other.

And in a moment of pure joy, I recall The Princess Bride.. a movie I consider to be a timeless classic. What can save the farm-boy? True Love.

In my life, I have seen good matches made between many people. Some, better than others. And, sadly, I have seen poor matches made between people. Some, far worse than others.

I know a gentleman that is my match in every way. And I swear on all that is Holy in this world that what we have is True Love. It is a blessing that ignites a sense of urgency inside me. One that is entirely aware of who he is and what we have, and compels me to protect our Love as if it were the last tree on Earth.

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