Excerpt for Great Quotes by Famous Personalities by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Great Quotes


Famous Personalities

-Diksha Sharma

Great Quotes by Famous Personalities

Published by Diksha Sharma at Smashwords

Copyright © 2016 Diksha Sharma

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite e-book retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.


I dedicate this e-book to God Almighty my creator, my strong pillar, my source of inspiration, wisdom, knowledge and understanding. He has been the source of my strength throughout this book and on his wings only have I soared.

I also dedicate this work to my husband Ram Sharma who has encouraged me all the way and whose encouragement has made sure that I give it all it takes to finish that which I have started. To my sons Rajesh and Suryakant and my lovely daughter Sangeeta who have been affected in every way possible by this quest.

Thank you. My love for you all can never be quantified. God bless you.

Table of Contents

  • Introduction

  • All Time Great Quotes

  • Golden Words of Great People

  • Famous Celebrities Quotes

  • Great Leaders Quotes

  • Great Quotes of Mark Twain

  • Great Motivating Quotes

  • Great Personalities Quotes

  • Great Hollywood Quotes

  • Great Actors Quotes


Positive thinking is very important to get inspiration and success in life. In life you face ups and downs. There are moments when you are sad and there are times when you are extremely happy and enjoy life to the fullest. We can learn many good things from people who have been successful in their lives. These great people become the source of inspiration for many generations to come. The wonderful, inspiring and useful thoughts of great people helps you unearthed the potential hidden in you.

In this book you will find best collection of great and inspiring quotes from famous authors, celebrities, leaders, politicians, actors etc. from all over the world. The awesome quotes of wise people listed in this book will make your life better and worth living. If you follow the words of these great people, success is definitely not far away.

All Time Great Quotes

Abstinence is a good thing when practiced in moderation.

Actually officer, if you factor in the earth's rotation, we were all speeding.

Adolescence: a stage between infancy and adultery.

A friend is someone who knows all about you but likes you anyway.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

A man can't deny what he is. He can convince everybody else he is someone else, but never himself.

And on the 8th day, God sobered up.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

A self-addressed envelope would be addressed 'envelope'.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

A toast to bread for without bread, there could be no toast.

Bananas are my favourite vegetable because they have no bones.

Be alert - the world needs more lerts.

Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.

Blind people don't bungee jump. It scares the dog too much.

Canada is protected by the finest military force in the world: the U.S. Army.

Canada is the first ally the Americans call when they want to invade another country, so we can show them where it is on a map.

Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not there?

Carpe DM (seize the dungeon master)

Change is good, but dollars are better.

Changing lawyers is like changing decks on the Titanic.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.

Christmas is weird; it's the only time of year when we love to sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of our socks.

Curiosity killed the cat... I wanted to know how far I could throw it

Dear mom,
Have you ever noticed the way I've been shaking lately?

The three knives are missing from the kitchen?

The pins and needles are gone from your drawer?

How I never come downstairs anymore?

The look in my eyes?

The sound of my voice?

It's completely different.

Have you noticed the long sleeves & sweatshirts every day?

The arm warmers?

The band-aids?

The blood?


Have you?

No? Well I didn't think so...

DM: You're walking past a patio...
Paladin: I address the patio.
DM: It is a patio. It says nothing.
Paladin: I speak to the patio in every language I know.
DM: The patio does not respond.
Paladin: I threaten the patio.
DM: The patio doesn't do anything. It's a patio!
Paladin: I cast dispel magic on it.
DM: The patio is still there.
Paladin: I touch the patio.
DM: It feels like a patio.
Paladin: I draw my sword and attack the patio.
DM: Oh, fine, very well, the patio engulfs you and crushes you to a bloody pulp. Make your save at negative 20.
Paladin: See, I KNEW it wasn't a patio. Starts rolling a new character

Do not wake Dragon for you are crunchy and go well with Brie!

Don't open the darkroom door. It lets all the dark out.

Don't pay taxes; it just encourages them.

Don't put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.

Don't quote me; think for yourself!

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.

Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Earth is full. Go home.

End poverty - Eat the poor.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Everything is unimportant in some way.

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Famous last words: Don't unplug it; it will just take a moment to fix.

Famous last words: Don't worry it's not loaded.

Famous last words: It's perfectly safe. Let me show you.

Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--

First Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else!

God encourages sin so that grace may abound.

Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Gravity doesn't exist: The earth sucks.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up? Definitely optional

Ham and eggs - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which to die.

Heck is where people go who don’t believe in gosh.

Hello, this is ________ I've used all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.

He says he’s young at heart – but slightly older in other places.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

Homeless people do not wear fuzzy pink bras!

How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

How to annoy others: Make beeping noises when you back up.

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.

How you look depends on where you go.

I accidentally divided by zero, and my paper went up in flames.

I always find that statistics are hard to swallow and impossible to digest. The only one I can ever remember is that if all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end they would be a lot more comfortable.

I am a Team Player; I just don't play on the same team as you.

I am Protestnik Vogon Jeltz of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be thrown out of the ship. But first, I'll read some poems...

I can handle pain until it hurts.

I can see clearly now my brain is gone...

I couldn't do my homework because my calculator is solar powered, and it was cloudy outside.

I don't mind Jesus; it's his fan club I can't stand.

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!

If Israelites come from Israel, then what come from Paris?

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?

If we quit voting, will they all go away?

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?

I have animal magnetism. When I go outside, squirrels stick to my clothes.

I have lots of friends; you just can't see them.

I haven't lost my mind. I know exactly where I left it.

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

I laugh, I smile, and I take Prozac

I like angles, but only to a certain degree.

I love you and I have scars to prove it.

I’m not really bald. I just have a very wide parting.

I'm objective; I object to everything.

I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.

In a world without fences, who needs Gates?

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

Is Canada a world power? Of course, if that's OK with you...

It has been discovered that lawyers are the larval stage of politicians.

I think vegetarians have it all wrong; what’s this about being kind to animals, and then stealing their food behind their backs so they can starve to death?

I thought that paper shredder was the fax machine!

It is better to have loved and lost than to be shot in the face by a crossbow...but not by much.

It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless.

It is important to reflect on yourself and how you interact with the world around you and if you find yourself to be without fault… start again.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it's just a game. Find the eye.

It’s not the winning, it’s the taking somebody apart that counts.

It's not what you say in your argument; it's how loud you say it.

It’s okay to want peace, but you have to do more than slap a bumper sticker on a Volvo.

It's too bad that whole families have been torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times...

I walked through the hallway
Holding my wrists
Hoping no one will see me like this
He looks at me, scared of what he'll find,

He never thought I had these things in mind
He asks me "...is there any more?"

Looking at him with tears in my eyes
I whisper a simple reply...

“What did you think bracelets were for?”

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

I was going to go to school today, but my doctor recommended not doing
anything that causes me stress.

I won't be in today because I have come down with Spring Fever.

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're a butt hole.

Jesus paid for our sins - now let's get our money's worth.

Lack of brains hinders research.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.

Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

Lawyers are the only profession where the more there are the more are needed!

Lawyers vs. Starbucks coffee drinks:
1) They're both sickly sweet on the outside
2) They're both bitter and tasteless on the inside
3) They're both way overpriced
4) They're both way too common
5) They both make people think they're getting something good

Life is a terminal disease.

Life is just one of those things.

Life: The whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Life would be so much easier if everyone read the manual.

Live simply so that others may simply live.

Love will never take you where you expect to go.

Make war, not sex, it's safer!

Man's greatest fear is to have died without living.

Mary had a little lamb. The doctor was surprised.

May the dragon of life only roast your hot-dogs and never burn your buns!

Men are always whining about how we're suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.

Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything.

Much can be achieved with a smile. Admittedly, much more can be achieved with a smile and a big stick.

Mutilation is the badge that can never be taken off, and sets us apart from all others. Pain is important to the bonding, a physical horror that bonds us ever tighter to those who have partaken. The intensity of the experience helps to widen the gulf between us and those who have not shared.

My daddy is a movie actor, and sometimes he plays the good guy, and sometimes he plays the lawyer.

My dog can lick anyone.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it was; you're lucky to get out alive!

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are wrong.'

Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then if he didn't like what you've said, he's a mile away and barefoot

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something much bigger and heavier.

Nice perfume...must you marinate in it?

No! Not my laundry bag! If you want to strangle yourself, use your own laundry bag!

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Nothing can be said about politics that hasn't already been said about haemorrhoids.

Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

Nothing’s impossible for those who don’t have to do it.

Oh dear God, save me from your people.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

One who affects change is in effect change.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.

Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other pain comes back, it’s weaker. Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting

Pick your enemies carefully; they're harder to get rid of than friends

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Police station toilet stolen.... Cops have nothing to go on.

Procrastinate Now.

Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. - Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.

Q: What do you call a man who doesn’t believe in contraception?

A: Daddy.

Reality is a figment of your imagination.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

She is barely holding on, but she knows she can't let go.

She's sitting on a bridge...
Gazing at the water
She's too scared to jump...
Yet so afraid to stay

Should the year 2000 VW Beetle be referred to as the "Y2K Bug"?

Some people say that one's personality is reflected by one’s car... Well, I have no car.

Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.

Sometimes I have a difficult time handling myself in social situations. I just start scampering around neurotically, frantically jumping all over guests. I think it all goes back to when I was raised in the wild by miniature schnauzers.

So much to do, so few people to do it for me

So she painted on a smile and learned to pretend.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, and so would an 80 lb. carrot.

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Suicide is a way of telling God, “You can't fire me. I quit!”

Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece.

Talk is cheap, but if it keeps your belly full and your grave empty, it’s worth more than gold.

Talk is cheap...until lawyers get involved.

Teacher: Where's your sense of adventure?
Student: At home in bed where every good sense of adventure should be at 7:30 AM

The best part of waking up is hitting the snooze button and going back to sleep

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his chest open.

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

The girl who seemed unbreakable - broke
The girl who seemed so strong - crumbled
The girl who always laughed it off - cried
The girl who would never stop trying - finally gave up and quit

The Meek shall inherit the earth.... after we're through with it.

The one who sees through destiny must also live through it.

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The pragmatist, being thirsty, drinks the water.

The original point-and-click interface was a Smith Wesson.

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake, which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Therapy is expensive but bubble wrap is free.

There are three kinds of people in this world.
1. Ones that can count.
2. Ones that can't

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'

There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

There will be no living Nativity scene in Washington this year. This has nothing to do with a Supreme Court ruling or for religious reasons. They simply cannot find three wise men or a virgin.

These scars on my wrists are proof that people like you do exist...

The trouble with going with the flow is: you might wind up getting sucked down the drain.

The trouble with good ideas is that they quickly degenerate into hard work.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The ultimate reason is because.

The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.

They are my cats, except when they throw up, then they are yours.

'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all... but to have loved and won, now that really kicks ass...

Titanic is the greatest love story ever? Rich girl meets poor boy, poor boy draws rich girl, boat sinks, poor boy dies, rich girl lives to 150.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

WARNING! The dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

We dash around in starched green kilts, hacking at balls with huge wooden sticks…sounds like a Scottish horror film.

What’d you expect?

A perfect child with pretty scars all over my wrists
I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to hurt you.

What is it about the shadows that draw my spirit in?

The damnation

The isolated darkness

I would give up my Stygian soul to know.

When I cut myself, the pain goes away. When I look at my scars, it brings it all back

When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

When the game master smiles, it's already too late

When will people understand that words can cut as sharply as any blade, and that those cuts leave scars upon our souls?

When you are right you can afford to keep your temper, when you are wrong you can't afford to lose it.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.

Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Writing about art is like dancing about architecture.

Yeah, my dad was a lawyer. Gasp Oh, I'm so sorry!

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

You can't be a figment of my imagination; I'd have done a better job on it.

You'd never expect her to come home and cry.
You’d never expect her to be dying inside.
Would you expect your best friend to cut?
Things are not as they appear to be.

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel as if you've lost a friend.

You! Off my planet!

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment,” replied the witness.

Your inner child pretty much runs the place, doesn't it?

Your perfect little girl dropped a grade on her report card.
Your perfect little girl yelled at you last night.
Your perfect little girl talked back to you again.
Your perfect little girl painted her nails black.
Your perfect little girl lied to you all her life.
Your perfect little girl cries herself to sleep.
Your perfect little girl slits her wrists ‘till she bleeds.
Your perfect little girl dated before sixteen.
Your perfect little girl was broken by a boy.
Your perfect little girl doesn’t go to church.
Your perfect little girl hates you.
Your perfect little girl has given up on life.
Your perfect little girl had a tantrum today.
Your perfect little girl wants to run away.
Your perfect little girl has no real friends.
Your perfect little girl thinks she’s overweight.
Your perfect little girl hasn’t let you dry her tears.
Your perfect little girl disobeys you.
Your perfect little girl hates the world.
Your perfect little girl is hated by the world.
Your perfect little girl says bad things about you.
Your perfect little girl is very unhappy.
Your perfect little girl tried to commit suicide.
Your perfect little girl has become a disgrace.
But at the end of the day, she’s still your perfect little girl.

Golden Words of Great People

You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting, at the same time you love it and can not live without it.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

-A. A. Milne

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

-A. A. Milne

I love writing but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, “You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy, I'm a white piece of paper, you wanna dance with me?” and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.

-Aaron Sorkin

How many legs does a dog have, if you call his tail a leg? The answer is four, because calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

-Abraham Lincoln

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

-Abraham Lincoln

In this sad world of ours,
sorrow comes to all...
Perfect relief is not possible,
except with time.
You cannot now realize
that you will ever feel better...
And yet this is a mistake.
You are sure
to be happy again.
-Abraham Lincoln

There's no honourable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war except its ending.

-Abraham Lincoln (The Savage Curtain, Star Trek)

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

-Abraham Lincoln

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.

-Abraham Lincoln

The only way I'm meeting the girl of my dreams tonight is if I go to sleep.

-Adam Duritz

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

-Adam Ferguson

Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass.

-Adam Sandler (Happy Gilmore)

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

-Adam Sandler (The Wedding Singer)

Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!

-Adam Sandler (The Wedding Singer)

However long the night, the dawn will break.
-African Proverb

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

-Agatha Christie

Airika: Stripper elves? Now there's an idea...
Renata: Oh come on, you don't really think the elves are making toys all year round, they need vacations too...
Ellie: Sudden image of Dobby singing "I'm too sexy for my socks"...That's just kind of wrong.

God, why did you make the evidence for your existence so insufficient?

-A. J. Ayer

Freedom of the press is limited to those who have one.

-A. J. Liebling

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.

-Alan Winter

Albert: Don't use that tone to me.
Armand: What tone?
Albert: That sarcastic contemptuous tone. That means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman.
Armand: You're not a woman.
Albert: Oh, you bastard!


What then is capital punishment but the most premeditated of murders, to which no criminal's deed, however calculated it may be, can be compared? For there to be an equivalence the death penalty would have to punish a criminal, who had warned his victim of the date at which he would inflict a horrible death on him, and who from that moment onward had confined him at his mercy for months. Such a monster is not encountered in private life.

-Albert Camus

They made me a present of Mornington Crescent,

They threw it a brick at a time.

-Albert Chevalier (The Cockney Tragedian)

Every day, man is making bigger and better foolproof things. Every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

-Albert Einstein

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

-Albert Einstein

It’s not that I’m so smart. It’s that I stay with problems longer.

-Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, I'm not sure about the former.

-Albert Einstein

Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one.

-Albert Einstein

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

-Albert Einstein

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-Albert Einstein

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

-Albert Einstein

The thinking that we are has brought us to where we have already been. In order to go somewhere else, we must think in a different way.

-Albert Einstein

This book is dedicated to my brilliant and beautiful wife without whom I would be nothing. She always comforts and consoles, never complains or interferes, asks nothing, and endures all. She also writes my dedications.

-Albert Malvino

In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man.

-Alfred Hitchcock

These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.

-Alfred Hitchcock

For intellectual stimulation, try eating your cereal with a fork.


Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-Alison Boulter

Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollack, isn't it?
Museum Girl: Yes, it is.
Allan: What does it say to you?
Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe, the hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness! The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum Girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?

Play it Again, Sam

Sometimes, when one person is absent, the whole world seems depopulated

-Alphonse de Lamartine

Frog and reptile with edible legs

-Ambrose Bierce (The Devil's Dictionary)

We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.

-Anais Nin

If a million people say a foolish thing, is it still a foolish thing.

-Anatole France

The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one, which will last forever.
-Anatole France

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

-Andrew J. Smith

Love changes everything.

-Andrew Lloyd Webber Aspects of Love

I wish that the leaves would fly south every fall and the birds would die and fall to the ground. That way I could get my cat to do all the raking.

-Andy Pierson

Those who danced where thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.

-Angela Monet

Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ask. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds - justifications, confirmations, forms of consolation without which they can't go on. To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner.

-Anne Rice

Now the time has come.
I put two bullets in my gun.
One for me and one for you
Oh darling, it will be so beautiful.
-Annie Wilkes

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass.

-Ann Landers

Trees should have been cut down to provide paper for this book was an ecological affront.

-Anthony Blond (Spectator, 1983)

My new hobby is channelling the sprit of Gerald Ford. Yeah, I know he's not dead yet, but I see no reason to put things off till the last minute.

-Anthony Myers

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always explaining things to them.

-Antoine de St. Exupery (The Little Prince)

Only children know what they are looking for

-Antoine de St.-Exupery (The Little Prince)

But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.

-Antoine de St.-Exupery (The Little Prince)

During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails.

-AP report

No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness.


If there is no god, who pops up the next Kleenex?

-Art Hoppe

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

-Arthur Block

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

-Arthur Miller

Treat a work of art like a prince: let it speak to you first.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

-Art Link letter (A Child’s Garden of Misinformation)

According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

I can only do one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

-Ashleigh Brilliant

I'm not an atheist. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

-A. Whitney Brown

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

-A. Whitney Brown

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

-A. Whitney Brown

Here's the short version: "Armageddon" got some astronomy right. For example, there is an asteroid in the movie, and asteroids do indeed exist. And then there was... um... well, you know... um. Okay, so that was about all they got right.


All men are animals; some just make better pets

-Bad Habits

As far as I'm concerned, soldiering is the worst way to make a living. It's a life filled with long stretches of mind-numbing boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror. Yea, that's how I like to spend my days.


Spells are highly overrated. I mean, you spend half your life shut up in a dusty tower pouring over unintelligible tomes, and for what?

A few minutes of glory on the battlefield and a permanent case of eyestrain


Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.

-Barbara Boxer

You don't have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight.

-Barry Goldwater

Becky: My dad was saying to my brother ‘Sit up! Get your elbows off the table! You look like a barbarian!’ and I was like ‘Actually, the Barbarians had some lovely artwork.’
Mrs. Cunningham: Ok. So now your dad has a little doll named Mrs. Cunningham that he sticks pins in.

Never feel guilty about having warm human feelings toward anyone.

-Ben Cartwright Bonanza

When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.

-Bernard Bailey

Man is a credulous animal and must believe something. In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.

-Bertrand Russell (Unpopular Essays, 1950)

The aim of education should be to teach us rather how to think, than what to think - rather to improve our minds, so as to enable us to think for ourselves, than to load the memory with the thoughts of other men.

-Bill Beattie

In a world darkened by ethnic conflicts that tear nations apart, Canada stands as a model of how people of different cultures can live and work together in peace, prosperity, and mutual respect.

Bill Clinton (The Book of Lists: Canadian Edition)

Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that. 
-Bill Clinton

You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say. 
-Bill Clinton

Old is always fifteen years away from now.

-Bill Cosby

Sigmund Freud once said, ‘What do women want?’ The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

-Bill Cosby

I'm a comedian and poet, so anything that doesn't get a laugh... is a poem.

-Bill Hicks

If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

-Bill Lyon

Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.

-Bill Peterson

You guys line up alphabetically by height.

-Bill Peterson

I always feel like an idiot...but I am an idiot so it kinda works out!

-Billy Madison

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can’t get you off.

-Bill Veeck

I don't break the rules. I merely test their elasticity.

-Bill Veeck

The only real proof that there is intelligent life in outer space is that they have never tried to contact us.

-Bill Watterson

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighbourhood.

-Billy Wilder

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

-Billy Wilder

This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact, if you got a moment, it's a twelve-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour portage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying 'This Is a Large Crisis'. A large crisis requires a large plan. Get me two pencils and a pair of underpants.

-Blackadder (Goodbyeee)

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