To the woman who
gave her all so that I can have it all. To my mother, Mrs Felicia
Thank you for
staying when others left. Thank you for believing in me and thank you
for loving me and my brother.
successful people are saying about principle
1 – A Principle?
2 – Person(al)
3 – Why you should develop a Personal Principle
4 – What Shapes You
5 – Personal Principle on Time
6 – Personal Principle on Friendship
7 – Personal Principle on Diet
8 – Personal Principle on Relationship
9 – Personal Principle on Occupation
10 – Personal Principle on Religion
11 – Personal Principle on Communication
All glory to God!
the deepest gratitude, I wish to thank every person who has come into
my life and inspired, and illuminated me through their presence.
would also like to acknowledge and express my gratitude to the
following people for their magnificent support and contributions to
my journey and to the reality of this book:
For being my
long-time hero, I appreciate my brother, Olajide Olanrewaju, your
support cannot be quantified, thank you brother.
To Leke Ademola-Kay,
a friend of a year old who has turned a brother. I enjoy everything
we have done together. Thank you being part of my history and taking
time to write the foreword of this book and to your wife as well,
Adeoye Tobi Esther who introduced you to me.
For taking time to
edit this book, I sincerely appreciate Titi Falade, Thank you so
much. May God, reward you graciously.
Lanre Adigun happens
to be the reason why this book was completed on time. Thank you for
being my strength.
To Olaniran Bola,
Osilaja Esther, Oguntoyinbo Tobiloba, Ayoola Bukola, Samuel Kehinde
and Ogundipe Idowu, thank you.
To all members of
Lofty Readers’ Network. Wow! You all have been a source of
inspiration to me. It can only get better with you guys.
Lastly, I want to
appreciate Osayi Emokpe Lasisi, the Queen of Virtual Summit, I don’t
know you personally, but I do get your emails almost every day. You
keep telling me I can do it. And now I have my first piece. Thank you
for existing in my generation.
This book is a great
exposition on a lifestyle given to principle. A man will fall for
anything if he doesn’t stand for something.
Life is not just a
playing ground. Life is a field for serious business and certain
rules apply. It is why the good book says in Proverbs25:28 that “He
that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken
down and without walls.
That this kind of
book is coming from this author is no surprise. The author as I know
is a man whose life is guided and given to principles. As such, this
is not an empty blabbing from someone who just wants to write. This
is a great manual for living.
The author noted
that “principles are like life manual in which a life revolves
within the context of the manual and any action outside the manual
can be hazardous and can lead to a drop in values” and I completely
That the chapters
cover such important issues as communication, religion, work,
relationship, even friendship and time is a great delight. I cannot
but join the author in asking you, “what shapes you?”
Reading this great
book has had tremendous impact on me. I have the utmost assurance
that anyone who allows this book to go through his or her mind cannot
but record huge shift in mindset and it is a change in mindset that
prepares life for transformation.
Transformation Intelligence Unit
PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT PRINCIPLE
opinions, keep your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your
principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they
are for such moments as this, when body and souls rise in mutiny
against their rigour… if at my convenience I might break them, what
would be their worth?
live with change if there is not a changeless core inside them.
We must adjust
to changing times and still hold unchanging principles.
principles may, and must be inflexible.
are more important than the money or my title.
differences are policies, our agreement, principles.
is the passion of a great character. Those with it may perform very
good or very bad acts. All depends on the principles which direct
principles in life are to be honest, genuine, thoughtful and caring.
There has to
be a line beyond which you will not go. You have to know where that
line is drawn.
has to be a line beyond which you will not go. You have to
know where that line is draw
A principle is an
accepted or professed rule of action or conduct. A fundamental
proposition that serves as the foundation for system belief or
behavior. A moral rule or belief that helps you know what is right
and wrong and that influences your action.
definitions, in a simple sentence, we can say principles are the
of a system or an individual.
are like life manuals
in which a life revolves within the context of the manual and any
action outisde the manual can be harzardous and leads to drop in
Principles keep a
life or a system in tune with a purpose (Mission and Vision).
a principle can be liken to an ocean with a ship on it. The ship can
float through the lenght and breadth of the ocean and still enjoy
itself, but once it gets offshore, the party is over. It is a major
for ships that they only enjoy their party on water.
Anything outside the water for a ship can lead to an injury. The ship
cannot afford to party on the land as it will do on the water.
and brand a system or an individual. It portrays a uniquenesss.
It might seem easy,
but it’s not. In fact, it takes a lot of reflection, time alone
and deep thinking to come to peace with what you truly believe, what
you are willing to stand up for and more importantly, what decisions
or sacrifices you are willing to make to live by your principles. It
is often so easy to just “go with the flow” and let life happen.
Maybe that is the more peaceful way to wander through life. I’m
not sure. But what I am sure about is how much clearer life becomes
when you know what you believe in, define your principles and make
the commitment to live and make decisions based on those beliefs.
While a “clearer”
life might allow you to make better choices as it relates to your own
life, it does make life a little bit more engaging and requires you
to often times make the “tough choices.” You see, living a life
based on principles isn’t always easy or convenient. Sometimes it
is very hard and can be plain scary. But, if you can strive to make
some principles for yourself, you will find yourself not being prone
to continuous errors. You will live better and be more focused. It is
either life happens to you or you happen to life. With your principle
in place, the latter shall be yours; you will be in control and not
At this point, I
will be referring to an individual or a system as a person because
systems also consist of humans.
person is a being, such as a human, that has certain capacities or
attributes. A person is you!
You as a person, are
responsible for your life, either you make good use of it or not.
There is no one you can blame for your failure.
can be annoying today to hear youths attributing most of their
failures in life to their parents for either not giving them the
righful formal education. Some fault their rich uncles who have
refused to help them for the failures in their lives.
But, it is my delight to tell you again that
you are responsible for any outcome in your life.
are numbers of people from different races;
countries and continents
it big in life who had a more pathetic
beginning than some who are making excuses today.
Charles Darwin was
no-hell bent on becoming a scientist his whole life, thanks to his
dad, who called him lazy and too dreamy. Darwin once wrote “I
was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy,
rather below the common standard of intellect”
Einstein didn’t speak until he was four and didn’t read until he
was seven. He was subsequently expelled from school and was not
admitted to the Zurich Polytechnic School. Long story short, he came
has the potential
and capacity to solve at least a problem in his or her generation. It
profits not you, the universe and the creator for you to pass through
this world without having an impact.
Chapter 3: Why
It is true that
every human possesses some qualities and attributes which makes them
unique. To guide this unique attributes and qualities, you need a
principle to channel them to the right direction.
By developing a
personal principle, you are building a path to follow and also
forming a unique brand of yourself.
will add values to your life. It creates a sense of who you are and
what you are not in the heart of men.
As it is often
said, any way seems right to anyone who has no destination.
So, as any food will go for anyone who has no choice of diet.
You need personal
principle to avoid distractions, to avoid being swayed away from path
personal principle helps you guide your loin. There are no great men
you will see who have not been pivoted by a principle.
automobile companies, like Mercedes-Benz, Toyota, Volkswagen, BMW
etc. over the years, they have created a brand that their customers
know them with. Toyota is known for making affordable luxury cars,
while every Mercedes-Benz released to the market brings a new element
which has never been used by the manufacturers.
What do you know
that people can say about you? Do you think if at least 5 people who
are close to you, when asked if you do lie, do you think they will
all say No, He doesn’t lie” or if a meeting is scheduled, do you
think you can get at least 60% of the members to say “oh He won’t
come late”, apparently because they have known you to always keep
principle gives you a caution when you are about to go overboard.
It serves as a check to your life. It keeps you in line and in tune.
It is sad to know
that some people don’t have limits for whatever they are doing;
that is why you see youth engage in playing with gadgets from morning
till night without achieving anything for that day. The question is,
if Aliko Dangote, the richest man in Africa had been busy with his
phone like those people, don’t you think he will also be poor like
Some can watch
movies from 3:00a.m till 8:00p.m., they waste their time fulfilling
others peoples vision why their own lives lay waste.
Excessive talk is
another thing; it is disheartening to see young ones gossip from
house to house but find it so difficult to read for 30 minutes.
I am not saying you
should stop watching movies or stop talking to your friends. But get
to know this, your time is your life, if you waste your time, you are
wasting your life. And we all know that a wasted time can never be
It is folly when you
see some people watching movie and they say they are killing time. I
laugh! Kill time? That is not possible, you are killing life instead!
Everything must be
done moderately and modestly. There are people that 90% of what they
do with their days has nothing to do with their destiny. Be
will address the issue of time in one of the parts of this book.
Just as moral
standards begin with our thinking; discipline begins with our mind.
Being disciplined involves setting priorities for yourself that
determine your choices and direct your behaviour.
If you can’t
discipline yourself towards the conduct of your life, then you will
be prone to continual error.
Priorities are the
keys to effective decision making. You must identify priorities in
relation to achieving your vision and establishing the principles by
which you will conduct your entire life, including how you will spend
your time and money.
The key to
being disciplined is to set self-imposed parameters for your life on
– what you will and will not accept for yourself, and what you will
and will not participate in.
our conduct for better living.
It takes discipline
to develop a principle. If
the likes of Bill Gate, Mark Zuckenberg, Aliko Dangote, Brian Tracy
of their days toying around, it’s possible they won’t be who they
But the young ones today spend much time sleeping, watching movies,
playing games, interacting on Social Medias throughout the day and
still want to be like these men. How ironic!
princple is all about discipline. You need to get out of your comfort
zone if you want to be a player in your generation. I used
to know a lady in a
that I belong to.
This lady could
while standing for several hours, when she
get to church, she
always sit down claiming to be tired. For over 5 years of knowing
her, she has
in church but full of energy while gossiping.
those who can make the hard decision of forming
a life principle can last
as top players
in their generation.
the numbers of footballers in the world. Those that are now
professionals and are playing at the international level, how long do
you think they have been playing to have achieve the standard they
are today? Football is a real competitive sport.
If a player can’t discipline himself to stay fit, he won’t last
long. It takes
discipline of diet, hours of training, good character and under study
before you can achieve
a top position.
is all about getting out of your comfort zone, be disciplined,
personal principle for your self. I can see you making a change.
At this point, let
me say if you have been living your life all this while and you don’t
have a guiding principle of “I’m careful, I don’t do this” “I
don’t engage in stuffs like that” “this is who I am” it is
possible that you have been living amiss. But, it is not too late.
Probably, you already have some guiding principles set for yourself,
but you have not been abiding by them, decide to make a change today.
Create a brand for yourself. We all have our lives in our hands, what
to do with it primarily depends on individual’s choice.
4: What Shapes You
every human being, three things shapen
conducts in all areas of our life. What you want to achieve, what you
esteem, what you believe
things you renounce etc. are products of what shapes you. We
are all shapened by
things and they are;
A purpose is a
target, an aim, a goal, a desired result or an intention. Everyone on
earth has a purpose. You are born in a particular year to a
particular family for a purpose. And we are all occupied with
different purposes. A purpose is also a written declaration of an
organization's or individual core mission and focus that normally
remains unchanged over time. It serves as filters to separate what is
important from what is not, clearly stating what to be done and how,
and to communicate a sense of intended direction.
Purpose statement is
a short sentence or paragraph used to explain, in simple and concise
terms, purposes for being. These statements serve a dual purpose by
helping individual or an organization to remain focused on the tasks
at hand, as well as encouraging them to find innovative ways of
moving towards an increasingly productive achievement of set goals.
purpose statement is a great tool for understanding, developing, and
communicating fundamental life objectives, and should be expressed in
just a paragraph or two. If you read it out loud, it should
take about 30 seconds. And it should answer questions people
have about who you are.
It is not everyone
who knows their purpose yet, but they need to keep searching within
themselves a purpose of living.
It is not only an
organization that makes use of a purpose statement; it is essential
that an individual have one too. You must have a purpose statement
that is developed for yourself, which is able to simply explain the
difference you want to make in your generation.
Lots of books have
been written on this important topic. At some level, we all hunger
for meanings in our lives. We need to tell at our core that we
matter, and that we are making a difference. Adopting a lifestyle
that is on purpose provides an opportunity to enrich others, by
leaving your imprint in a positive way.
this story of Terry Fox, as it was written in the book “The Power
When he was only
eighteen years old, Terry discovered he had cancer. The diagnosis was
osteosarcoma, a fast-metastaizing cancer that often strikes the legs
and arms and may spread to the lungs, brain or liver. After the agony
of his new reality set in, Terry basically had two choices: give up
hope and wait for death, or discover something meaningful to live
for. He chose the latter. The cancer meant he would lose his leg. As
he lay in his hospital bed, Terry dreamed of running across Canada.
That day he made a commitment to make his dream a reality. His vision
was starting to take shape.
By committing his
life to making a difference in the fight against cancer, he created a
true purpose. The goal of his one-legged run, named the Marathon of
Hope, was to raise one million dollars for cancer research. The final
total was $24.6 million! Young Terry discovered a purpose so great it
uplifted him physically and mentally every day. This power of purpose
drove him to remarkable heights of performance. Even though he had
only one healthy leg, a prosthesis attached to the stump of his other
leg enabled him to run. The action was more like a hopping movement.
It created the sensation of stubbing his toe with every step. Terry
wore short shorts while running. This is of course exposed his false
leg and made some people feel uncomfortable. Terry’s response was,
“This is me, why hide it?” starting out on April 12, 1980, he ran
the equivalent of a marathon (twenty-six miles) almost every day,
covering a total of 3,339 miles in only 143 days – an amazing feat!
By doing so, he provided hope for thousands of people all over the
This may prompt you
to ask, “What am I doing with my life? What is my life’s work all
about? What legacy will I leave behind when my time is over?”
don’t you think?
earlier, most people do not have a well-defined purpose. To help you
figure out yours, here are some more probing questions. I will advise
you go to a quiet place, a place where you can be all alone where you
can think of what you really want to do with your life. This issue of
discovering purpose cannot be overemphasized.
“A leader is
born, when a purpose is discovered”
Your quest for
discovering purpose begins with recognizing your skills and talents.
What you do best and what you enjoy doing.
When you are living
on purpose, you feel you are making a difference. And you don’t
need to be famous or well recognized. It just has to be your thing.
It is all about making impact.
Another thing is,
where is your enthusiasm directed towards? What motivates you? Life
is too short to find yourself attached to what doesn’t motivate
you, but only gets you depressed.
Whatever you choose
to do by yourself, which is your purpose – motivates you. If it
doesn’t motivate you, it is not for you.
I will recommend you
read more books on this if you need broader understanding. I will
Purpose Driven Life by
I am not here
just to make a living; I am here to make a difference.
Before a principled
life can be achieved by an individual, life purpose must be known.
You must have a direction of where you are heading to, and then your
principles will now serve as border for your purpose.
Note that, the most
important part of your purpose is not about you. Your purpose majorly
in life should not centre on you but what you want to offer your
A vision defines the
optimal desired future state - the mental picture - of what an
organization/individual wants to achieve over time. A vision
provides guidance and inspiration as to what you focus on achieving
in five, ten, or more years. It should be written succinctly in an
inspirational manner that makes it easy to be repeated at any given
A vision is
essential to having a more positive outcome and it is vital to
success. A vision will allow one to gain new insights and abilities
to create not only a new way of life but also a new world around
them. A vision is a picture or an idea one may have in the mind for
self, business or any other future endeavour. Clarity of that vision
helps one to pursue dreams, achieve goals and produce a more
successful and prosperous outcome. A vision that is clear will open
the mind to endless possibilities and unlimited points of the future.
Having a vision is one of the most important factors in the path of
one’s success in life. You feel much more valuable as a person when
you set and achieve visions and goals. When visions and goals are set
and defined, the value of the person is increased exponentially.
Why is it so
important to have a vision? The answer is simple. Without a clear
and precise vision of exactly what it is you want; you’ll never
reach it or have it. The more clearly focused we are on exactly what
we want, the easier and faster we’ll manifest everything we need to
make it a physical reality. Since all material things move from the
non-physical to the physical reality, our vision and goals are
paramount in the process of achievement. Our vision and focus act
like a magnet that attracts and connects the pieces together. When we
focus our brain on what we want, we actually increase the amplitude
of the cellular vibration of our mind, body and soul.
A vision is the
capability to see beyond your current reality, creating and inventing
what does not now exist and becoming what you are not right now. A
vision is important in all aspects of life; physically, emotionally,
corporately. When you have a vision, you can overcome obstacles in
the way and hold on when times are tough. A vision that is well
defined helps you to focus and create a purpose that becomes your
measurement for success. If you do not have a vision of who you want
to be, how you want to succeed or what you want out of life, you
begin to lack drive and your life becomes just an order of events. A
strong and current vision connects with your passions and greatest
potentials. Regardless of what is going on in the world, or
challenges that present themselves, a vision helps you know what and
why you are doing the things you are doing.
A vision can be used
in two different ways: inspiration and prediction. It is first used
to inspire you in reaching something that you are wanting. It is also
used in prediction for changes in the future and interests you have.
A vision might be the most powerful way to keep you focused on what
you want in life while keeping you motivated in achieving it. A
vision will open up your mind to many possibilities and a brighter
and bigger future. When you can envision a future that is better,
happier and more productive, you are more likely to make the changes
that are necessary for you to reach that type of life. The
destination of your vision should be emotional, physical, spiritual
and intellectual. Having a vision established is a really important
key to success during your path through life. This establishes your
win or defeat on how, when, where and what you receive and possess.
By achieving visions and goals, humans feel valuable, showing the
potential person living in each other’s interior. Having a vision
is very spiritual. The process of connecting with your vision is
intricate. You will see with your mind and soul and not with your
Let me say this: “a
future that you cannot picture, you are not permitted to feature”,
your vision determines where you are going. If
you can’t picture it, you can’t live it.
To live a principled
life requires having a clear vision of the life you are hoping for.
Your vision guides your action.
So, if you are yet
to have a definite vison for life, it is not too late to do that.
Write down where you see yourself in years to come;
Where do you see
Where do you want
Write it down not
minding how many they are. Just make sure it is visible and
achievable. Place it in a strategic place where you can see almost
Values are not just
morals, but character that one cultivates over time. Values are
essential to effective moral life. They are uncompromisable,
undebatable truth that drive and direct behaviour. They
are motivational, giving us the reason why we do things; and they are
restrictive, placing boundaries around behaviour.
Values are those things we deem important and that provide direction
and guidance in spite of our emotions, i.e. the reason why you do
what you do. Why you respond the way you do boils down to your
values, the character that you have developed over time.
determines your behaviour”
Your values are
those elements of your life which you find personally important. They
are core beliefs which guide you on how to conduct your life in a way
that is meaningful and satisfying for you.
Values are the
things against which you measure your choices, whether consciously or
not. You use them to rationalize your behaviour to yourself and
others and they determine your level of satisfaction with your
choices, even if decisions are not freely made but constrained by
Values are different
for each person. While one person might value honesty, another might
value wealth. One person might value kindness and respect for
all people instead of power, humility instead of status; honesty and
generosity instead of wealth; self-control instead of
self-indulgence; forgiveness instead of revenge.
values are goes a long way in determining the principles you will
is one of the major values that are lacking in the world today. It
takes a man of well-grounded principle to live a life of integrity.
There are some
people who for years can live in a dirty apartment without even
noticing that it is dirty, while there are people who cannot stand
seeing any dirt around them. The difference between these two people
is that one values cleanliness while the other does not.
Your action towards
everything that comes your way will be determined by your values.
The reason why
we have today leaders who are facing corruption accusations and all
sorts of scandals are because at one point in their lives, they
compromised their values.
Some have sold their integrity in the presence of dollars, while some
sold off their families in the presence of adultery.
Dr Myles Munroe
wrote that “Every
leader who finds themselves facing legal consequence for unlawful
practices, theft, extortion, cheating and the likes are lacking or
deficient in the vital elements called moral and character”.
When values are not
in place, principle doesn’t exist because your values are drivers
to your principle.
I want to believe
along with Dr Myles that any anyone, not only leaders who lacks
morals and character will surely approach doom. Time and history
has shown that the most important quality a true leader should and
must possess is the moral force of a noble and stable character. The
consequences are always there.
At least, we know
few people in government who are actually suffering from being
deficient to values today. Values are not negotiable.
Write down your
Purpose, vision and those values you see driving your own behavior
and the ones who wish to add to them and place them in a strategic
place in your room, where you or one other person can see it clearly.
Your mission, vision, and values are personal, but they are not
private. Make sure to go through them every day till it becomes part
Now that you have
developed for yourself a Purpose, Vision and Values for life, let’s
now proceed to some principles, not the most important, but they are
the ones that I will be talking about in this book. Develop for
yourself as much as possible principles that will make you become
better everyday till they become part of you and be determined to
abide by them.
Personal Principle on Time
Time – what many
scholars and authors call an illusion. With no argument, it is. But
the life that everyone is living has a span and time is what is used
in measuring life duration. That is, a life is summed up by the
number of time spent by the person.
What has happened to
time that people no longer keep to time? Some come to meetings late,
while some have the habit of exceeding the time given to them during
There is a long
mythology in Africa, a culture of time, which postulated that a
scheduled time is not always the real time. By this, African
cultivates the idea of getting to meetings behind scheduled time.
Most people are poor with time; African time is a barbaric culture
which no global citizen will imbibe.
Getting to the
length of killing time is another illusion. No one can kill time! By
killing time, you are killing a life.
Every second counts
in every individual’s life. A wasted time is directly a wasted
Surely, if you can
get it right with your time, definitely you will get it right with
If you can’t
manage your time, you can’t manage your life. If you can’t
maintain your time, you can’t maintain your life. If you can’t
control your time, you can’t control your life.
is deadlier than a deadly virus. Time, if not the most valuable asset
in the world, should not be used anyhow. What you will and can do
with your life depends on time.
Don’t trust your
money with anyone who can’t keep to time. He will not manage it
well because he is already mismanaging his life.
The best use of time
is to invest it in doing things that will add to you and not things
that have nothing to do with your purpose in life.
You can’t be
effective and purposeful with time for at least 8 hours a day and
still remain the same.
The fact is, you are
investing your time through anything you engage with each second. You
can’t plant a yam and harvest cassava, never! Though they are both
How to make
proper use of your time
You can effectively
manage your time (life) by doing things you need to do before
engaging in things you wish to do. Do the most important things first
before you do any other thing.
procrastination. Always ask yourself if what you are doing justifies
a proper use of time.
Even God is
interested in your time. You can’t give 10% of your attention to
God and expect Him to give you 100% attention.
Invest your time in
doing things worthwhile. Focus on your work or study. Spend time with
your family and find time to serve God.
Personal Principle on Friendship
friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive
to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert
island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to
keep him is a blessing.”-
friendship is great and it is one of the beautiful things we enjoy in
But friendship makes
more sense when you have the right person as your friend.
so great when you achieve a purpose together. Friendship becomes more
appreciating when you have the same mind.
I believe the number
one prerequisite for choosing a friend is “one mind”.
Good friends relieve
stress, provide comfort and joy, prevent loneliness and isolation,
and even strengthen your health. Research shows that friends are even
more important to psychological well-being. Friends bring more
happiness into our lives than virtually anything else.
At this point, let
me say “not everyone can be your friend”.
Make friends with
people who desire success like you. People who share the same passion
and vision with you.
The friends you make
determine how far you can go in life, because friends directly or
indirectly influence our lives.
On making friend,
make strategic friends, friends that can influence your life
positively. Friends that you can do great things together.
On number of
friends, how many friends you are keeping has nothing to do with how
successful you can be, but how valuable and impactful they are will
go long way to determine how fulfilled will you will be.
You have the right
to control those you allow in your life. You have to sieve your
friends. Working out the difference
between a good friendship and a bad one
isn’t as easy as it may seem. However, there are ways you can
when a friendship is no good.
Sometimes it can be difficult to know what
to do about
toxic friendships, and ending
a friendship is
sometimes the only option. Getting
help when you need it is
a really important part of making sure you’re surrounded by
has this to say about a toxic friendship:
stress you out, use you, are unreliable, demand too much, and don't
give anything back. After spending time in these sorts of friendships
you are likely to feel bad about yourself instead of good. Your toxic
friend might be someone who tends to be critical of you - sometimes
in a subtle way (and sometimes not so subtle!). Or they might be a
friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and
they're not very good for you.
are bad for our mental health and wellbeing, and if you can’t
improve the relationship, you should think about letting it go.
out of this, start taking better care of yourself and make your own
wellbeing more important than the toxic friendship. You don’t want
to become a negative influence on yourself or others because you
haven’t been looking after yourself! Say no when they ask you for
something that you don't want to give, and point out to them when
they are mean or critical to you. You don’t have to feel put down
or unhappy because of someone else, and good friends don’t make you
feel that way. If they really care about you, they won’t want to
hurt you and will be willing to change their behaviour.
Talk to other people
outside your toxic friendship who can give you their opinion on
whether or not the friendship can be saved or whether you need to end
Don’t make the
mistake of keeping the wrong friends. Those who keep wrong friends
will surely pay for it.
Write down the names
of your friends. At the front of each name, write the impacts they
have in your life. Whatever it is, then ask yourself if those impacts
can help you fulfil your life purpose or not. Make a classification
of the positive impacts and the negative impacts. Then decide who
will continue to be your friend.
On making a new
friend, watch out for people who are already treading the path you
want to follow, people who you know are focused, disciplined and
committed to the course of their goals. There you go!
Never live today
to regret tomorrow – Make the right friend.
Chapter 7 -
Personal Principles on Diet
recommendation for a healthy heart may one day be, eat right and
laugh a few times a day”
– Michael Miller
Mind me saying “You
can’t eat everywhere”. Developing a principle for what and where
you eat is very essential. Some people today are battling sickness
due to poor eating habit.
Why should anyone
eat anytime and anywhere? Health-wise, it is very important that we
all form a principle for what we eat and where we eat i.e you should
have what you eat and what you don’t eat (if there is), you should
have a stated time when you eat and there should be a space for
eating (not anywhere).
By saying people
shouldn’t eat anywhere, some people might disagree with this.
Today, we have people who eat while walking along a major road.
Someone might want to say, “what if I am damn hungry and also in
hurry?” I understand you, but that stuff you bought and want to eat
by the road side can still be eaten by the road side if you can pause
for like 3-5 minutes, stay on a spot, eat to gain some strength and
then continue your journey. Eating while walking will even distract
you and slow you down, you won’t be able to move at the right pace.
I still think it is
not so polite to be eating by the road side. You can keep your snacks
till the time you get to where you are going and then have a nice
time. Enjoy! It is all about building a principle for yourself.
Ideal Eating Manner in an Office
I have seen in an
organisation where people placed food on laptops not minding the
damage it will cause to the device, since they are satisfying
especially during business hour is not a place for eating. An
organisation must have a space or room where staffs go to whenever
they have a break to eat.
organisation don’t have a particular dining room for members of
staff and visitors, as an individual - either you own your
organisation or you are a staff in an organisation, you should be
able to discipline yourself as to when and where you eat in an
office. If the organisation doesn’t provide you with a dining
space, provide yourself a space where you can eat by excusing
yourself from the business area.
working hour, especially on an office desk sends a message of
indiscipline and no in-orderliness to the visitors and clients.
Ideal Eating Manner in at Home
Yes, it is at home
that some people believe you can eat anywhere and anyhow. But, mind
you, it is still a culture of indiscipline. Anything that allows
anyhow and anywhere gives room to disorderliness.
Our homes should
have a guiding principle as to where, when and how we eat i.e. time
to eat, what to eat. Some homes even developed food time table. This
is a nice practice.
Timing is another
challenge to diet. In Nigeria, some families have their breakfast
when it’s time to have lunch, while lunch will go during dinner.
Mind you, not that they don’t have what to eat, but they are so
undisciplined that they will spend 2 hours thinking of what to eat.
If you ask me, I will tell you it happened in my family during my
secondary school days almost every day.
The simple way out
is to get a food table that will be strictly abided by. This will put
an end to the house diet mismanagement.
Also, table manners
should be adopted in homes as well. Children shouldn’t be too
playful while eating, communication should be calm.
Some people today
are suffering from obesity due to poor diet. They try to eat almost
everything. You know you have to stop eating that particular thing,
but you find it difficult to stop it. The problem is you have an
issue setting a principle for your diet. You probably buy that thing
with your money or someone buys it for you, but I am sure it is with
Remi Owadokun, a
Certified Health Professional had this to say on one of her post on
SmartBCamp Facebook Group page:
“My father was
a good man, he was a kind man, he did not deserve to die.
But even though
my father was a good man, he did lot of things wrong.
He did not pay
adequate attention to his health, his eating and drinking was not a
stellar for a man of his knowledge.
My father had a
pill for everything and our kitchen cabinet was a dispensary.
So even though he
had access to everything he needed for treatment, he still died”
Need I say, you need
to take care of yourself? Set up a table for yourself, of what you
will be eating. Never include those foods that keep making you to add
When you get to the
grocery store, overlook those stuffs, and if someone buys it for you,
politely tell the person why you need to stop eating and asked the
person not to buy it for you again.
Place the new diet
table almost everywhere in your house, where you can constantly see
it and remind yourself of your new diet system.
Personal Principle in relationship
relationship must be defined. An undefined relationship is an
unhealthy relationship”- Unknown
The need for
developing principles around relationship with your parents, spouse,
siblings, friends and colleagues cannot be over emphasized. To avoid
your relationship from running into extinction and errors, you need
to put some principles in place.
Let’s start from
the angle of defining every relationship. That is, everyone in your
life who has a relationship with you must be with a clear purpose. In
the previous chapter, we discussed maximizing friendship, but here we
are saying there must be a clear reason why a particular individual
is your friend. There must be a boundary, length at which you can
expose yourself to an individual. You just don’t pick anyone and
start talking about your life or business with.
If there are two
friends, there must a clear priority definition of their
relationship, either it is for business, academic or whatever purpose
it may be. It is dangerous to engage in a relationship without a
clear purpose. If you do, you will find yourself anywhere and you
might not like it.
There is no point in
being in a relationship without a purpose.
On family, I believe
families are gift from God to us. They are our world; an individual
is an ambassador of his family. We all should have a principle of not
talking about our family anyhow, anywhere and to just anyone. Most of
the things going on in a family should remain in the family.
You must have a
particular time you spend with your family. If you don’t have
principle of spending quality time with your family, the day that
your work or business leaves you, remember that they are the ones you
are going back to meet.
Also, develop the
principle of defending your family. Be disciplined enough to always
stand for your family. They are all you got.
man who spends time with his children build their confidence. A man
who spends time with his wife proves to her that she is the most
family. Make it a principle to always eat together, sleep together,
play together and pray together, then you will last longer.
Personal Principle on Occupation
“Work like you
haven’t got a boss and don’t need the money” -Richard
This chapter is
directed towards employers and employees. The place of work should be
the second most enjoyable place after the home, because some people
spend most of their time at work than at home. Our place of work is
our second family apartment.
An employer must not
see himself as someone who is doing the employees a favour by giving
them a job. It is a mutual benefit. Here are 10 principles that I
think can make you a better employer:
10 things that
can make you a better employer
favoritism of any to your employee
– an employer who shows favoritism only makes the others less
active and sometimes uncooperative by killing the team spirit within
Be committed to
the Organization Core
Values – Promote and demonstrate strong values, which can be
translated into operational and relational standard. Being a model
of the organization values as a employer empowers the organization
to be more focused and aligned. Be a reflection of what you want
your organization and employee to be. Don’t break the rules!
employee believe and feel that they are working with you and not for
– Employee’s productivity will always be on the increase when
the work structure provides them the opportunity to develop
themselves. A win-win system between the employer and the employee
produces more effective workmanship. Also, as an employer, be open
to suggestions and the firm in decision. Build a diverse but unified
team, where each person can contribute his unique strengths, where
each person’s weaknesses are either strengthened or made
irrelevant by the complementary strengths of others.
Be interested in
their private life and show concern –
Develop a personal relationship with your employee and provide them
with the support they might need.
between two parties together and not individually
– Only an employer who wants to be bias listens to one side of a
story regarding to dispute in an organization. Misunderstandings
should be settled with all the concerned beings together and not
separately as this provides a clear picture of what might have
employees for mistake and tell them how it can help them get better
– An employer who provides no room for their employee to make
mistake only puts them in a corner whereby when they make mistake,
they try to cover it up and that can even be more damaging to the
organization. Welcome mistakes, guide them on possible ways out of
– An employer should find it worthy of showing gratitude to their
employees irrespective of them being paid for their services. The
fact is, words like “thank you” “well done” “You did well”
“You can do better” goes a long way to make employees feel they
are really wanted and appreciated in an organization as those words
aim at the heart. Also, pay them on time. If the job agreement is
that you will pay them by the last day of the month, it must not be
changed. In case of any challenge to that, communicate to them
directly with an apology.
- Put people in charge. Make someone to be responsible for any task
to be carried out. Don’t think they will mess it up.
Find time to
them - Discuss where they are doing well and where they need to
improve. Create an environment that will help individuals to
discover, develop, refine and exercise their abilities.
Prepare them for
a better tomorrow
- You can’t have your employees with you forever. Talk to them
about what they want to be remembered for when they leave the
organization. If people live daily with the end in mind, it will
make them to always be at their best.
Work like you
haven’t got a boss and don’t need the money
Why take up a job
you know you can’t give your 100%? I believe every employee is a
prospective employer. If your guiding principles for your current job
won’t be allowed when you become an employer, then you need to drop
people are disciplined people; they are people with principles that
enhance integrity. Doing the right thing at the right time should be
the number one priority of an employee.
If you are paid to
work from 9 A.M. to 4 P.M, with break of 1 hour, then so should it
Some employee today
rob of the organisation that employs them by doing their own business
during the time they are paid to work. Some play video games,
unnecessarily surf the internet, while some gossip.
The above are not
the practices of successful people. If you know where you are going
to, you will be diligent with the current assignment you have at
I once worked in an
organisation in Ibadan, Oyo state, Nigeria. When I got there, I was
employed as a Data Scientist. My first assignment was to collect all
the organisation laptops and create a backup system for the data on
each. It was a shocking experience for me when I found out that over
80% of those laptops disk space was used to save movies. The most
unfortunate part of was that, these my senior colleagues made use of
nothing less than 3 hours a day of the organisation time to watch
movies. I am definitely sure they can’t take it if they happens to
be the Director.
When I noticed the
trend of things – how people made use of the organisation’s time
to attend to personal matters and to watch movies, I decided not to
join the train. I have my principles in place, I sometimes worked
over time, when the need arose. Some 5 months after my employment,
the appointment of the people involved in those dubious activities
were terminated when the Director got to know of little about their
organisation unfriendly practices.
I received a
promotion, due to the fact that I have been diligent with my time
during my first 5 months. The Director had no doubt that I could
handle the job, though I had no previous experience of the job. And I
later surpassed the Director’s expectation. What they used to do in
two months, I did in one week!
It is my principle
that a job I can’t be faithful with I won’t accept. It is not
about the money alone for me, it is about my legacy and it came with
a reward at last.
Don’t join others
to cheat on your company. Don’t take what the office has not given
you. If you signed to work for six hours, be faithful and diligent to
do so. It might not pay now, but I can assure you that it will surely
add value to you one day.
It is written in the
Bible that “If there is a man who is diligent with his work, he
shall stand before Kings and not before mere men.” John Obidi, the
Founder of Smart BCamp, in one of his videos after he returned from
Founders Conference in 2016 said a friend by the name Cyrus said, the
version 2.0 of that scriptural verse is that “the man himself will
now become the King that people stand before.” The key is making
integrity your principle. Don’t break it.
Personal Principle on Religion
is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
your mind.” –
Matt. 22: 36-37
How is your
relationship with God? It should be understood that God is a Supreme
Being who honours those who honour Him. Having a principle towards
your service to God is primordial. You can’t be faithful to his
ordinances and He won’t honour you.
It is essential that
you develop a principle that will enhance faithfulness to the will of
God in our lives. Principles that will keep and foster your
relationship with God.
Nothing should stop
you from serving God in truth and in spirit. Time of service to God
should not be hindered for anything.
You cannot serve God
with 10% of your life and expect Him to give your 100% attention.
It is that simple.
Personal Principle on Communication
singularly the most powerful forces available to humanity. We can
choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement,
or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power
with the ability to help to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to
humiliate and to humble”
entails giving and receiving information. In this chapter, I will be
talking about developing principles on listening and talking.
I have found myself
giving out a wrong information at times when talking to people and
what I do immediately I discover that the information I gave isn’t
right is to immediately contact the person to say “I was wrong.”
There was a day I was taking a boy in my neighbourhood elementary
science, in the process of the lesson I gave him wrong answer to one
of his opinions, the boy was not correcting me, but the boy’s
grandmother instantly told the boy to shut up and listen to me
instead, since I am older - that’s not so good.
Some minutes after
finishing the lesson with the boy, then it crossed my mind to do a
search on what the boy was talking to me about, then I found out I
was wrong! How do I do this? I have made the boy feel bad, even in
the presence of his grandma.
I went out to look
for him, before I could say anything to him, he said “do you know
you are wrong the other time?” I quickly replied “Yes, I was and
you are right, I’m sorry.” It didn’t go well with him; l knew
he wished I could say that in front of his grandma. The next day, I
ensured his grandma knows that I was wrong and he was right, then he
was happy and I was happy too.
It was from that day
I started developing a principle of communication. I was able to
conclude that whatever I am not sure of, I won’t give out the
information as unsure as I am perceiving it. I will rather keep quiet
than to provide a wrong information.
Some of us can adopt
this, there is no crime in keeping quiet, once you know you are not
sure of being right.
meetings, I have seen people who because they can’t just keep
quiet, they just have to say something, not minding the needful of
what they want say, they keep providing irrelevant information during
meetings. This isn’t a good practise.
Being quiet at times
gives you more respect than opening your mouth to voice out
irrelevantly. Responding verbally over every matter or issues raised
during a meeting doesn’t depict brilliancy neither does it keep one
I am not encouraging
people to keep silent often, but silence is well appreciated at
times, especially when you don’t know what to say or if you are not
sure of the originality of what you want to say.
Watson once said “No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t
know it was his turn next”. This accurately describes the way too
many people approach communication – they are to wait for their
turn to really listen to others. But someone who has been branded
with purpose and vision
understands the incredible value of becoming a good listener.
For example, Lyndon Johnson, a Junior Senator from Texas, kept a sign
on his office wall that read, “You
aren’t learning nothing when you are doing all the
the habit of listening, make it a principle to listen – if not,
listen first before giving your verdict.
you don’t pay attention to what others have to say, you send them
the message that you don’t value them. But when you listen to
others, you communicate that you respect them. Even more, you show
them that you care. German-born Philosopher-Theologian Paul Tillich
first duty of love is to listen.”
mistake that people often make in communicating is trying very hard
to impress the other person. They try to make themselves appear
smart, witty, or entertaining. But if you want to relate well to
others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer.
Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting. Ralph
Waldo Emerson acknowledged, “Every
man I meet is in some way my superior, and I can learn of him.”
Remember that and listen, and the lines of communication will really
to reply, but listen to understand”
author of “How
to Win Friends and Influence People” Dale
Carnegie advised “You
can make more friends in two weeks by becoming a good listener than
you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.”
becoming a good listener, you are able to connect with others on more
levels and develop stronger, deeper relationships because you are
meeting a need. C. Neil pointed out that “everyone
needs someone who he feels really listens to him.” When
you become that important listener, you help that person. And you
make a significant step toward becoming a person of influence in his
or her life.