Excerpt for By His Grace by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

Amy Lowery-Lopez

By His Grace

Copyright 2018 Amy Lowery-Lopez Published by

Amy Lowery-Lopez at Smashwords

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What do you do after being diagnosed with breast cancer. You’re at the top of you game. Life couldn’t be any better. Now, you’re given six months to live, if you do not get treatment. A diagnosis, if revealed could cost you everything you worked so hard for the past twenty years. Your fight to the top, has come after countless days, months and years of long hard work. What do you do?

Amy’s diagnosis is about to catapult her into her worse nightmare. Every imaginable fear is unleashed. She’s at the brink of losing her life, family, career, success, home -- everything. In her desperate search for truth, Amy gets on her knees and cries out for help.

This is a modern day biblical story of Job, and how God walks with you during those times. When the enemy is trying to steal, kill and destroy, God shows up. This story is about how God meets us in our circumstances. How he provides, guides and comforts us. This is about the people he puts in your path when you need them, and gives you strength when you feel like giving in. This is a story about how God still works miracles, guides and teaches us, even in today’s times.

I have chronicled the journey the past years, to see what would unfold. These are real experiences of how God honors faith. Can I explain, or understand them all?

No. It’s a journey filled with surprises, challenges, twists and turns and a new understanding of love. I also have a different perspective now, on how I measure my success. The challenge is aligning my faith, to what I knew in my heart to be true, with reality!

The hardest part. Relinquishing my strength and becoming small, so God could become big in my life.

At time’s I cried out to God, “Help me Pappa. Because if you don’t, I can’t finish”. I later learned, this was the way it was supposed to be. It wasn’t about me -- it was all about him. The sooner I learned this, I could stop going around the same mountain, over and over, dealing with the same problems. What it revealed to me, was God was in complete control. The sooner I understood this, and surrendered every area of my life, the journey would get easier. That was the hardest part. Letting go. Trusting, and knowing God knew best. This is a story of such a journey, and how it’s not over, till God says it’s over.

What I’ve learned through all this, is to NOT compromise. To lean on God for everything. Even when it doesn’t make sense. I knew for God to reveal his true purpose for my life, I had to trust him. To much is given, much is required. I knew I would have to stand on God’s principals, and not waiver. In this journey, I could not listen to what people were saying. I had to guard my heart, so as not to taint what God had birthed in me. The enemy knew it was there, that’s why he came to snatch the seed.

When God gives you a dream, he wants you to stand alone sometimes. To grow strong, so you can draw from the giver, the creator. When God puts a dream in your heart, there are times, you must bring it to the alter and let it die.

Do you love the dream, or the Dream Giver? God needs to be stronger than the dream. Otherwise, you put another an idol before him. This is the hardest part of pursuing the promise. This is where true character is forged. You must trust and give into something greater than yourself. But once you die to yourself, you truly find yourself.


This book is dedicated to my heavenly father - Abba - Pappa. He has been my life spring. The one constant in my life. I wrote this book to honor him and his faithfulness.

Second to my parents. They planted seeds of faith in me at a very young age. This was the greatest gift they could have given me. This is the gift, that keeps on giving. A gift only a parent who wants the best for their children, could give. When life becomes challenging, these are the life tools and resources a child will use over, and over again, to overcome life’s challenges, obstacles and become the person God created. To my Father who showed me how to dream and to believe nothing was impossible, and we could accomplish anything.

To my friends who have stood by me – Michael, Marilyn, Evelyn, Roland and Ruth who loved me through this journey. Also, the Valley Golfers who accepted me into their group and accepted me with such loving arms and support. To Joy, Linda, Jeannie, Kathy, Sandy, Patsy and the rest of the girls who didn’t realize how their love and joy helped me, as I transitioned into a new town, and life changing situation. Thank you for making it so much easier.

My twin sister Gloria, my best half. My unrelenting support who gave me unconditional support, and love. You went home to be with the Lord.

I miss you terribly and miss our daily talks. I know you’ll be one of the first ones to greet me with Mom and Dad. Life without you seems different and not as bright. No matter what life gave us, we always made lemonade.

And to my loving, sweet, husband Robert who has truly showed me the heart of Jesus. A kind, loving, giving man with a heart full of love and uncompromising support. My heart’s desire. When I see him, I see the heart of Jesus.

I remember as a young girl looking out my window and thinking of my future as a young girl. Hoping someday to marry, have a family, home and a loving husband who would share life’s journey with me. A man who would protect and love me. It took us most of our life to find, but the journey was so worth it. He is a giant among men, in so many ways. He has given me the ability to continue to be an instrument for God, and stands by me in faith, fighting the good fight of faith. My Champion! Robert tells me I love him the way he has always wanted to be loved. No greater gift then to love and be loved he says.


1. The Prayer

2. The Bible - It May As Well Been Written In Chinese

3. The Dream & A Paper Napkin

4. In Pursuit of My Destiny

5. 50 Cents Challenge

6. Hello, God Are You There?

7. The Par Course

8. Providence - Rhode Island

9. God, Are You Kidding Me?

10. A Humble Start

11. Would Of - Should Of - Could Of

12. Checking My Notes

13. Good Bye to New England

14. Risking It All

15. If You Can’t Afford to Risk It All, Don’t Gamble

16. What Is Missing?

17. God, How Can I Do This, Without Any Resources?

18. Is Despair Required for All Those God Calls?

19. Barely Holding On

20. Ten Years Later- My Fig Tree Moment

The Prayer

As I sit here, several years later, traveling from coast to coast, house to house, packing and unpacking across 17 states, I reflect on how much my life has changed. Little did I know how a simple prayer, would change my life. That prayer would catapult me into a life I would normally not have chosen for me. I am a person who likes structure, and stability. I thrive more in that environment, I am not a nomadic person, by nature. That all changed in the summer of 2001.

I once had someone tell me, “be careful what you pray for, you just might get it. Or you may not get it the way you imagined”. I didn’t know what that meant. I do now!

I often wondered, did God call me, or did I seek him? The Bible says he chooses us. What did he want from me? I was determined to find out.

Like most people, I had an active and very busy life. I was working for a high-tech company in Silicon Valley in California. I ‘d been blessed with family, friends, a great job, a six -figure income, promising career, finances and a beautiful home. I was in a good place. What most call a “sweet spot”. I had a successful life. I was at the top of my game! I was lucky. I was doing what I was passionate about and getting paid for it. The perks of traveling, mentoring, and a promising future just made it better.

One day I came across a book by David Ring, a young man who was born with Cerebral Palsy. He lost his Mother as a young man and had a disability. This story is how God used him beyond what he could ever dream for himself. I had no idea how much it would change me. It ignited a spark, which would later turn into an intense inferno. After reading the book, my mind could not stop thinking about it. It started an intense search for God. I could not quench it, just feed it. I had a quest to find the God I had been reading about. I wanted to meet this God. I was determined to find him, at any cost. Little did I know, it would almost cost me my life, family, home, job, career. Everything I’d worked so hard for! I opened the door and walked through. There was no turning back! What was the key that opened the door? I prayed. I asked God for more of him. I cried out to him, on my knees, telling him I wanted to experience the same encounters people had in the bible. Boy, I wish now I had read the Bible more!! I wanted to know him as Father, friend, and confidant. My source for everything in life I would ever need.

Not the God I grew up learning about in religious schools and rituals. That God seemed so distant, and ready to pounce on me, if I screwed up. What I learned about God at a young impressionable age? I remember, the rituals; standing, sitting, reciting – the patterns of my early faith walk. That was religion. I just watched the leaders in the church, sometimes speaking in other languages. I just went thru the motions. What I wanted, I didn’t know I needed. I wanted a relationship. And a stronger faith. I wanted the God that changed people, moved mountains and parted seas. I wanted to have an experience of knowing God, as Father - Abba. I was willing to risk everything to find him. The first phase. I prayed, and asked God to shut whatever he needed to shut down in my life, that kept me from knowing him. He did. Little did I know that request would test my faith, to desperation on many human levels It’s easy to have faith when you’re blessed, with a home, finances, health, career, job, relationships, family, or a life purpose. That prayer, couldn’t have prepared me for the test of faith I would go though. Why did I pray that prayer? Because I believed God’s word. If we make him first in our life, he would give us the desires of our heart. That was it. That simple. I was willing to step out in faith. To see what would happen. It’s been the most daunting task of my life, beyond human capability, comprehension and resilience.

I watched this program one day about a man who had Cerebral Palsy. Who by society’s standards, was expected to lose and fail in life. He told his story about losing his mother, and crying out to God, after his family had pretty much given up on him. God intervened and changed his life. I wanted to know this God. To trust him with every dream, success, hope and desire of my life. Little did I ever imagine, many years later, in my search for God, when I came to the end of the rope -- looking for him, I found him.

Earlier, in 1998 I’d been diagnosed with breast cancer. I had to go through two surgeries, chemo and radiation, for twelve months. It was supposed to be the most exhausting, and challenging year of my life. It wasn’t. It was the most rewarding, peaceful and fulfilling year. Why? Because I prayed to God and surrendered and told him, “no matter what happens, I will worship, honor and walk with you. All I ask, is to use me for your Glory.” He did.

Not only did he answer this prayer, but would have knocked out most people in life, catapulted me to a life I could not even imagine. I had favor at work and was promoted and doubled my salary in less than two years. My group was recognized for excellent contributions individually, and corporate wide. My Mangers were fighting over me, with salary, stocks and promotion. I had more energy and was able to excel at work. I went to Hawaii, did a Tony Robbins seminar and walked on hot coals – twice! I gave my testimony

to thousands of people at that Seminar and said it wasn’t over, till God says it’s over. The crowd erupted and were climbing over their chairs to hug me. I took off my wig and revealed my bald head and pointed upward to give him all the glory. Man do I remember that day. My body was pumped with adrenaline. I was fortunate to have the best Director ever – Jack, my Manager. He was one of those managers who invest so much in you, you cannot fail. Jack mentors and inspires you, to do your best. I wanted to walk on water for Pappa and Jack.

I also had to gather strength to fight for my life. My daughter just announced her engagement. I did not know if I was going to even be around to see her get married. My biggest fear was telling my kids I had Cancer. With the support of family and friends, we got through this stage of processing the diagnosis. I had Doctors painting a grim picture. I did not feel optimistic. But, I knew who was on the throne. I decided to trust Pappa.

I knew God saved me, comforted and gave me favor during this time. He was not done using me. What did he have planned for my future? I did not know. This is where the journey begins, searching for that answer. I needed to know. What did he want me to do? He spared my life, for a reason. I needed to find out why. I decided to pray and find out. This prayer was a sincere conversation I had with God. He knew my heart. How much I wanted to know him. I knew if he searched my heart, he would see how much I wanted him, and needed him. The bible says, we are each given a measure of faith, when we are born. It also tells us that the Holy Spirit softens our heart and puts a stronger desire in our heart, for God. The bible says he chooses us, we don’t choose him. There it is again. Why did he choose me, spare me, and want me to do? This prayer was the beginning of a faith walk which would crush most spirits. It was a lot of time spent alone, searching, praying, journaling. Some of my friends and family thought I had lost it. The same people who had come to me for help, when they needed help, were no longer there. All the comforts I had ever known in life, resources, skills and talents I developed in life, would be of no use to me. I could no longer draw from the well, that provided me resources, talents and experience, to sustain me in life. The one thing I learned through all this was, it was not by power, or might, but by his spirit, and his grace that would sustain me.

“Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye find; knock and it shall be opened unto you.”

Luke 11:9

The Bible - It May as Well Have Been In Chinese

Imagine your Father writing you a letter, reading it, and having no impact on your life! That is how the bible is to most people. I didn’t want that. I wanted the bible to have the same effect, as if my mother and father wrote me a personal letter. I remember many times sitting with my Dad, talking for hours. Laughing, sharing, and learning from all his wisdom. I cherished those days. They are imbedded in my spirit and mind, to this day. I still draw strength from those memories today. I wanted the Bible - Gods word, to have the same effect on me. I remember the long talks with my dad when he shared his wisdom and knowledge. I still remember those conversations, as if they happened yesterday. I play them over and over in my head. This is the same effect I wanted the bible to have on me. I wanted to be able to draw from it, for wisdom, strength and guidance in my life.

Like most, I had a bible. I ‘d attempted to read it throughout my life. I knew people who memorized it, and could quote verse, by verse. But, I wanted more. I wanted to really understand it. I wanted to read it, like I would read a letter from a dear, close friend. I had tried many times to read it but couldn’t understand it. It may as well have been in Chinese. Don’t misunderstand that. I don’t mean it in a disrespectful way. For those who are learning a new language, you know the frustration of reading something, and not understanding it. This is the best analogy I can use.

I prayed and asked God, to help me understand the bible. I didn’t just want to read it, but, I wanted to comprehend it. I wanted to be able to refer to it, over and over. I wanted to know his heart, and his thoughts about me.

In my faith walk and journey the answer didn’t come right away, but in God’s time. I tried to read the bible. But it wasn’t making sense. I wanted to know God, so desperately. One day I went to a bookstore and found a children’s bible. I bought it and read it. That’s how hungry I was for God’s word. I wanted to understand it, in a simple way. I could put my heart and mind around it. To be able to apply it to my life. I wanted more. God answered. Like a baby he fed me. As I progressed in knowledge, he gave me more. Now, as an adult I spend hours a day reading scripture, studying prophecy, journaling, and having a deeper faith walk with God. God met me in this prayer request. Now I can’t imagine a day not reading my bible or having fellowship with him. Each time I do, I learn and understand more. I’ve had many Aha moments with Abba.

How did this happen? I came across a man who could explain the bible in such simple, life applicable terms. Now I was hooked. I woke up every morning at 6:00am, to watch him. I would have my bible study every morning. I took notes and was so excited I couldn’t wait till the next day. Creflo Dollar, thank you for being there as the first of many teachers. I know you were a divine appointment God sent. This went on for a few years. The bible was no longer just a book, but a love letter, a book of wisdom -- guidelines for every circumstance in my life. This book filled with wisdom, from my Heavenly Father. The one who created me. The one I would spend the rest of my eternal life with. I was learning more about God, life, my purpose, and how to deal with all the circumstances I would encounter in life. I had my “Owner’s Manual”, the bible. I started to read it daily and apply it to my life

When we purchase something, it has an owner’s manual. Most of us don’t read those books and manuals. Now, if it breaks, or something happens, and it isn’t working properly, we get the owner’s manual and read it. Well, the bible is no different! Most of us never read it, until we have life emergencies, a life crisis concerning us, or our loved ones. I always say, “there are not atheists in fox holes” Well, I had been in enough fox holes in my life, and found out I could prevent future ones, if I applied God’s principles to my life.

As my faith walk grow, the Lord would put the necessary people, mentors, and teachers in my path. I received what I needed, when I needed it. It was my manna from God. I was being spoon fed, like a baby. Small morsels at first, easily and digestible, like milk. Then as I understood more, it became dense, thicker and had more nutrients. He used different teachers, who would meet my need, at each phase of my faith walk. From baby, infant, to student, and champion, into a deeper faith walk. Now, the depth of the bible was being revealed. It was unquenchable. God promises, as we search for him, he will reveal the mysteries of life to us. Did he reveal it to me? Yes! There were moments of clarity, with such precise accuracy, my spirit leaped. Can I quote verse by verse? No. What did I learn?

  • Can apply what I read to my life. Yes.

  • Does my life bear fruit? Yes.

  • Can I draw from it, when I’m in the fight of my life? Yes

  • Can I use it to help others? Yes, it’s a light unto our feet

  • Can I apply it when death comes a knocking? Yes.

  • Will it help me, when all hell breaks loose? Yes.

  • Can it sustain me, when everyone else has left? Yes.

  • Will it guide me, when I ‘m standing alone? Yes.

  • Can I see more successes in my life now, then before? Yes.

  • Can I draw from it as the battle becomes fierce, and there is no way out? Yes

  • Can I find comfort and peace when the battle’s so intense, most would lose it? Yes

I now know why it says wisdom is worth more than gold. I don’t claim to be a bible scholar, or seminary expert. What I do know is this. I feel a greater sense of purpose as I read the bible and obtained more wisdom and knowledge. I have a feeling of peace - no matter what is going on in my life. Does it mean I don’t fail? No. It means I just get back up and keep trying. My bible is worn and held together by tape on the seams. I sleep with it many times. There are notes scribbled in with dates, and times I vividly remember when God spoke to me. Times when God met me in my circumstance. It is my most prized possession. It’s the way I can understand God, as Abba. Father, Daddy.

Simply by reading his love letter, the bible.

I’m grateful. Most people in the world will never experience this. Many cannot read the bible, for fear of losing their lives, or freedom. What we need to remember is this. When we lay down our life, to find Abba, we will find it.

How do you know God answers prayers and we’re in his presence? The best analogy I can use is wind. You can feel it, experience it. You feel it’s force but can’t see it. Well, sometimes the wind is gentle. Other times it is a gust of force nothing can stand against. This is how it feels to be in his presence. You know, that you know!

The bible allows us to know God. A book written describing who he is, what he wants and how he feels. For me, it’s a love letter from daddy. A means of conversation I want to keep having. As each page turns, I find out more and more. I write it down, list questions, and come to him in conversations. Just like ones I might have with friends. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes years later I’ll remember something he revealed to me and go ….aaahhhhh. He knows what I need, when I need it.

Most people start a journey with God, when everything is going wrong in their life, or they’ve come to the end of their rope. My journey started at the top of my game. I had it all, from most people’s perspective of success. Yet, there was a void in my life. I had to find out, what it was. I decided to take this journey. Some will never take the journey. They don’t want to rock the boat, give up their comforts, do without, or are fearful. I was afraid too. But, I knew if I trusted him, searched him with all my heart, he would reveal himself to me. God would show me a love I could NEVER imagine!

Many of us in our journey of life have questions about if we’re on the right track, what our purpose is, should I take this job, move to this home, marry this person, have children now, or later. I think many of us would take these questions, to our Father in heaven. I know I did. Sometimes he directed me, sometimes I’d make a decision based on

feeling a sense of peace and sometimes I’d wait or did nothing. I figured if it was meant to be, he would get me back on track, if I ventured off too far. You see the hardest thing in one’s faith walk, is to “wait on him”. We often want his direction and wisdom, but we don’t always wait for it to manifest. We think we’ve prayed, and then sometimes we move forward hoping he’ll help us along the way. You see, surrender is the hardest part. Complete surrender. We want to surrender only parts of our life. We often have conversations like this. “Ok, Lord you can help me with my career, or school, or a job prospect”. But, when it comes to our personal areas in our life, like marriage, and relationships, we go forward hoping he is going to bless it.

I remember once I was dating a fella and he was separated. He had been separated for years. I found this out in the beginning of our conversations. I liked him, and since he was going through the final stages, to end the relationship, I felt it was ok. I did not cause its demise and they were on the final stages of the divorce – the financial distribution of assets. After praying about it, Pappa told me in several ways not to proceed. I decided since I liked him, and as long as it was being finalized, it was safe to proceed. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. But, when the soon to be ex found out, all chaos broke out and she wanted a reconciliation. It caused a lot of grief for all of us, and I walked away from the relationship knowing I did not want to get caught in the crossfires of what could turn out to be a nasty divorce. It’s funny how people can amicably be breaking up, until there is a third party in the picture. I exited and although it was sad, I was glad because as long as there was a small child involved, it could go on for quite some time. If I had listened to God, I could’ve avoided a lot of hurt. Sure, we can make it happen, but with it comes a lot of unnecessary hurt, grief and drama we could have prevented. If Pappa ordered it, he’ll pay for it someone once told me. Pappa would give me the desires of my heart, so we need to always go to him and seek his direction for our lives. Otherwise we’ll have to maintain it the rest of our lives and cause more work, and pain for ourselves. I think often when that happens, you may have the relationship, but you’ll also deal with a lot of drama, pain, illness, depression and ongoing issue that will affect the marriage and family. There will be strife in the family, with members of the family, struggles and a lot of pain to get the marriage to work. Is it worth it?

It can cause a lot of hurt with family members and take years to repair, if it happens at all. I know Pappa hates divorce and if a person is NOT divorced, I have no intentions of getting in the middle. That is adultery, plain and simple. I don’t want to block my blessings for lustful pride. Sometimes we want the Lord to bless our marriage in that kind of circumstances and he can’t. He will not contradict his word, so why do we proceed? Even if we’re in a terrible relationship, he wants us to reconcile, and or go to the church elders for help. But, most important never to have a tryst with a married woman, or man. He will not bless that. I didn’t want to take that chance.

“For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure”

Philippians 2:13

The Dream and A Paper Napkin

A powerful dream can unlock a life’s purpose. Remembers Joseph’s dream in the bible? I was living in Pleasanton, California when I had this dream. It was so vivid and profound, it woke me up. I was excited. I came running down the stairs, looking for a pencil and paper, to write down my dreams. I could only find a paper napkin. I made nine boxes and wrote these categories in each one. Family, Dreams, Career, Health, Job, Home, Relationships, Money, Love. I didn’t know what it meant. I thought it was God speaking to me. I thought Pappa was showing me the area’s he was going to bless, in my life. Little did I know, it would be the area’s in my life that would be affected, one by one. You see when God begins to move in your life, you have to surrender every area of your life. Not just some parts. Most people struggle with this. I know I did.

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